Conversations with Studio 517

Apart but still together...

2011-09-19T21:32:00.002-04:00

I've seen several instances where a married couple separates, & one of the parties goes out and starts a new relationship, has a kid, etc. Am I incorrect in what I thought separation meant for married couples? I thought it was a time to work on the marriage while also giving some space, but still staying true to the marriage...

Did separation change? I'm lost, or at least not okay w/ how this new version of it works...

Am I Enough?

2011-09-19T21:21:00.002-04:00

Not sure if you all saw the Single Ladies episode where Val's man asked her to spend the rest of her life w/ him without marriage. He was a "great catch"...sweet, adoring, stable, handsome, sincere, etc. and had been married 2 or 3 times in the past. He just wasn't willing to do it again. So he offered Val a lifetime commitment, just without the marriage and the ring.

Her friends criticized her for walking out on the offer, but from Val's perspective, how could she give up something she's dreamed of her whole life?

So I'm just wondering...if put in the same situation, would your man's love be enough if offered w/o any hope of marriage?

160 CHARACTERS OR LESS

2011-09-16T19:32:00.001-04:00

"You had this whole conversation over text?"

I called my best male friend (BMF) to tell him the latest about the guy I had been seeing off and on for two years. This was his only question after hearing me go on and on about my relationship woes. I wanted some sound advice but we couldn't move forward with our conversation until I answered his question.

"Yes, over text."

His response: Hell naw, there is never a good reason to talk over text.

Me: Yes there is. Texting is a popular form of communication you know. And what if he's at work or I'm at work or I'm busy and can't talk at the moment? That's a good reason to text.

Him: If you're busy then call later. There is no reason to text. If you're at work call when you get off. That's what we did back in the day. Ya'll getting out of control. If you're over thirty I don't want to hear shit about texting. We didn't grow up with that shit. Shiit, we just started using email. You can't talk over text. That's stupid. Call someone later. You know better.

Now, I'm usually one to have a bunch of comebacks and arguments to prove my point. I had none. He was right. There was no reason to have an extended conversation over text. I had fallen victim to the, "This is what people do. We're in a technology fueled society. Instant access."

Why was I getting carpal tunnel in my thumbs banging out multiple text messages and bbm's? How come I wasn't just picking up the phone and actually talking? I used to always say: I have the bomb ass phone conversation. Now, I rarely get to show off my conversational skills because I'm too busy texting. And truth be told, I get annoyed by texting!

Annoyance #1: You text me. I call you. You don't answer but text me back and ask what's up.

Annoyance #2: Text Courage. If you wouldn't say it directly to me don't say it over text.

Annoyance #3: Texting at the dinner table. Just because you're not actually having a conversation doesn't mean it's not rude. Get out your phone.

I can admit I get lost in my cell phone at times. I'm definitely guilty of sending a flurry of text messages and having discussions over text message. I do enjoy my group chat with my line sisters on blackberry messenger. I also like to send and receive flirty text in the middle of the day or get a good piece of gossip.

But I also miss a good three-way call too. I miss the late night conversation, the good kind where you lay on your bed with all the lights out, television off and maybe the Quiet Storm playing in the background (those of ya'll that are old enough will remember the Quiet Storm time on the radio).

While I listened to my BMF's advice on how to deal w/the on-again-off-again situation, I thought about how you can't say all that you need to say in a 160 characters or less. How do I know your really laughing? LOL has become a term I use when I don't really have anything to say. But anyone who has had a conversation with me knows I say, "That's funny," when I find something humorous that doesn't warrant a full on belly laugh. You can't convey your excitement, your sadness, your anger, no matter how many different emoticons you use.

In having this conversation with my BMF I realized I needed to get back to the old school me and doing things the way I liked to do them. Not become slave to technology and lazy communication.

I get that texting is convenient. I will not wholly abandon texting but I will no longer have full conversations over text. Especially, those conversations that should incite someone to pick up the phone and call. I will not meet a guy and answer 50-11 questions about my likes, dislikes, and other information about myself over text message. I don't have enough characters to show you even ¼ of me. I can wait for the late night phone call.

As my BMF and I brought our 4 hour conversation to a close, he said, "Now this is how you have a conversation."

Indeed my friend indeed.

To freeze or not to freeze....

2011-03-02T13:03:00.002-05:00

I was watching "What Chilli Wants" the other night and she was considering freezing her eggs as a "back-up plan" in case she doesn't get married any time soon. I looked into it further & it says that women 40+ only have a 10% chance of getting pregnant, & if they do, there is a 1 in 66 chance that something will be wrong with the child.

The costs to do egg freezing aren't cheap by any means...but as we are reaching our mid 30s mark & mostly unmarried, if you had the funds, would you consider freezing your eggs?

100 Best....

2010-12-03T10:38:00.003-05:00

The other day I was watching tv and I believe it was VH1 that had a countdown of what they thought were the 100 Best Hip Hop Songs of all time. Whew it took me down memory lane!!!

Some of the ones they listed that I agreed with were:

I'll Be There For You (All I Need to Get By)-Mary J Blige & Method Man
Supersonic-JJ Fad
I Need Love- LL Cool J
Brass Monkey- Beastie Boys
It Takes Two-Rob Base
Me, Myself & I- De La Soul
The Show- Doug E Fresh
Humpty Dance-Digital Underground
Today Was A Good Day-Ice Cube
Gin & Juice- Snoop Dogg
I Get Around- Tupac
Push It-Salt & Pepa
They Reminisce over You- Pete Rock & CL Smooth
Children's Story-Slick Rick
Juicy- Notorious BIG
Nuthin But A G Thang- Dr. Dre
Ladies First-Queen Latifah & Monie Love

Good dance party starters that have survived the times for some reason...lol:

Baby Got Back-Sir Mix Alot
U Can't Touch This-Mc Hammer
Bust A Move-Young MC
Me So Horny- 2 Live Crew
Wild Thing-Tone Loc

Others I would love to add:

Paul Revere-Beastie Boys
Electric Relaxation-Tribe Called Quest
Players Ball-Outkast
It Ain't Hard To Tell-NAS
One Love-Whodini
Shook Ones-Mobb Deep

What y'all think of the list??? Who would you add or delete?

Just Thinking...

2010-12-01T22:58:00.000-05:00

My days have been pretty uneventful. School, work, externship. The good news its almost over and I can finally begin a new chapter of my life. But what will that chapter include. Actually, should it be a new chapter or a whole new book??? I think I need to start from scratch, all blank pages, writing with fresh ink.

I'll include the basics in my new life: Employment, Family, Friends, Sorority, Food, Shelter. But I'm feeling like I need to get FANCY! Do somethings that add a little color, that don't include drinking and partying (though I'm not ruling those out). I want to do things that showcase my creative abilities while I have some down time. I'm too pragmatic at times. Time to live in COLOR. Maybe that means taking an art class or a spanish class (I need to get fluent). Or writing more poetry and short stories. Definitely more writing on this BLOG!

What will you do to live in COLOR this upcoming year?

The Black Girl Curse...

2010-11-08T13:11:00.002-05:00

I recently took a class where I had a mid 30s black female professor that had graduated from Spelman, and had a Phd from Harvard. Anyways, during the class she raved about her pets which she considered her children, & she also piled on the homework for us. One of my fellow classmates remarked that "She needs to get her a man & some babies" b/c she obviously had nothing else to do w/ her life besides grade homework.

Which leads me to this...do you think that successful black women are throwing themselves into their careers b/c they aren't married & have families? Are we being too picky when it comes to men? Why is there this black girl curse???

Watch this great clip and tell me what you think:
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=bJGMAhWpDF8

Just a Spoonful of Sugar...

2010-11-05T09:53:00.000-04:00

Monday I tuned into one of my favorite reality tv shows, Real Housewives of Atlanta. My favorite "housewife" Kandi Burgess gave a whole new meaning to "sugar walls!"

I have heard of many things, hell, I've done many things but I have never heard or would think to put sugar in my vajayjay. I'm not going to knock it because I haven't tried it. It might sound ridiculous but I'm wondering is this safe?? Could I get an infection? Would it cause problems with the condom?

I guess I could ask my doctor. But how do I ask? Me: Um, Doc, is it okay to put sugar in my vagina? That conversation might be an EPIC FAIL!

I'm all for sweetness but for now I'll stick to things that will make me sweet from the inside out. Pineapple Juice and Water have never failed.

Homework Time!

2010-11-03T20:29:00.000-04:00

About five years ago, we completed this exercise. Since most of us have yet to get married (except for Andi) or seriously proposed within the past five years (and I mean by someone that we would actually consider marrying w/a for real ring and some for real planning w/some for real emotions) it looks to me like it’s time to try this again.

I know we desire to have a husband, life partner, companion, children etc. but we have yet to have these things manifest but we continually have men who are willing to screw us (mentally and physically). So, let’s do some homework. Take the time and really think about your answers the questions below. Maybe we will get some clarity in our lives LOL

I’d also love to read some of the answers to these questions!

1. What kind of partners have you attracted in the past that you don't want in your future?

2. What behavior of your own has contributed to the failure of your past relationships?

3. What kind of love do you deserve and why have you been unable to manifest it?

4. What kind of partner/relationship do you want in your future?

5. What new venues or activities will help widen your choice of perspective partners?

6. Now custom build the right partner and be specific! Include their emotional capabilities, career interests, character type, physical characteristics and future goals.

I do....(with a catch)

2009-07-07T15:00:00.000-04:00

So a friend of mine goes to a wedding this past weekend. The girl getting married came from a well to do family, but her future husband's money was limited. With his limitations, he bought her a rather small engagement ring, which I'm guessing she wasn't pleased with because....

She went out and bought herself a bigger ring, and the day of the wedding, she gave the groomsman the new ring to have presented to her at the altar. Well the hubby to be didn't know, so when the groomsman passed him the ring he's like "That's not my ring. Where's my ring? What's going on?" The girl told him that's the ring they were gonna use right now and to calm down and she'll talk to him later.

WTF? She was waaaaaay outta line with this one! From what my friend said, the hubby didn't know what was going on and thought maybe her ring had been lost and went along with it. Personally, I don't know, had he known what was taking place, I think she might've got left at the alter...

That's so horrible and stupid though...Why not just be happy that of all the women in the world, this man chose you? Go and upgrade your ring? And behind his back? I'm sorry...I see divorce in their future for sure...

Comments?

Steve McNair...

2009-07-07T14:55:00.000-04:00

What y'all think about this? I'm so irritated with him right now... Sorry he lost his life, but it's always hard to truly feel sorry for someone that gets into trouble when they are doing wrong. You are freaking married dude!!! Cheating with a 20 yr old waitress that isn't even hot? Come on now... I feel saddened for the wife and kids. My emotions would be all over the place with this one...MEN, I tell ya!!!

Living Together Before Marriage...A statistical risk...

2008-09-25T15:45:00.000-04:00

I've always said that I would live with my man prior to getting married to "test the waters" and make sure everything was okay. But lately I've seen more and more statistical data that says this may not be a wise idea.

Stats such as "Couples who live together not only are significantly more likely to divorce after marriage, but about 45 percent of them will break up before marriage, studies show." And remarks like "Men and woman cohabitate for different reasons. Women see it as a step toward marriage. They think they can audition for this job. Men do it because they like to have the ready availability of sex and having someone share their living expenses."

So what do you guys think? In looking at the stats, is it wise to Live Together Before Marriage?

For or Against Michelle's Speech???

2008-08-28T09:05:00.000-04:00

For those of you who watched and heard Michelle Obama's speech the opening night of the Democratic Convention, what did you think about it? I've heard quite a few different opinions on both sides of the fence. While watching, I felt like she did a good job, and I felt proud of her as not only a woman, but as a black woman. But my boyfriend was pissed the whole time during her speech. He was mad she spent so much time talking about her brother, her dad, and her family as a whole. He said it almost came off cocky b/c we didn't need to hear about her, we needed to hear about Barack, the issues, and what part and role her and her husband planned to play in leading our nation. He said she wasted a great opportunity to sway some of our "on the fence" people & get votes.

I didn't see it his way, and afterwards, many of the major networks aired people making the same comments as my boyfriend, sending a lot of backlash her way.

So just wondering, are you For or Against Michelle's Speech???

Too Many MC's Not Enough Mics

2008-08-20T20:52:00.000-04:00

I'm a girls girl. I love hanging out with my friends, making new friends and just having that camaraderie with like minded females. However, there are times when I've had enough of the female bonding and the gabfests. I realized that I had my fill of these sessions when on Sunday, after a skate party, I was invited to a classmates house to hang out with other classmates. The first thing that popped to my mind was, "I'm not going to that. Too many soft legs are going to be there." I know, rude, but that's how I'm feeling.

Now, this isn't about finding someone to date. But sometimes you just want some male energy in your life. I used to have boat loads of male friends that I could just call up and chat with or hang out with. But these days, if your not trying to date a dude they don't want to be your friend. So where did all the homies go? Am I the only one wondering this?

The problem does get worse if you are seeking someone to date. There are waaay to many females and not enough males, especially if your looking for quality. This is a heavy topic of discussion during my girls gabfests and one that I'm not going to get into now.

So, I didn't attend the get together at my classmates house. I told her I was too tired to attend, I spared her the part about being too tired of dealing with a whole bunch of women. I later learned that there were guys there but that the male to female ratio as usual was disproportionate. I believe that its perfectly fine to hang out with your girls a lot but I also believe in balance and sometimes you, well I, need a little testosterone to take the edge off and even things out.

Is it really worth it???

2008-08-14T10:09:00.000-04:00

Many of us have faced the higher degree dilemma...Get one or not? But does it really pay off? Does getting your Masters, that Law or Medical degree ensure you all the things you are wanting (better position, higher salary, etc.)? Is that extra debt really worth it?

Just wondering...I hear people on both sides of the fence so I was wondering what you all thought...

Loyalty....

2008-07-28T11:36:00.000-04:00

Pri posted this on our Sextonreunion.com site in the group for Singles. I thought it was a great topic, so wanted to put it out here for us to comment on...

"The problem with you young women is...you have loyalty of a wife when you're not one." I recently heard this statement and and it speaks volumes. It has been something that I've seen many of my single friends (and myself) struggle with through many relationships. Does that mean loyalty in reference to being monogamous with one person? Or does it mean referring to the Sally Homemaker tasks that we take on in relationships (ex. cleaning, cooking, putting credit on the line, etc.) for whichever person we happen to be seeing at any given time?

Todays' society is acceptable of many living arrangments and dating styles--blended families, co-habitatin, joint accounts (without marriage), etc--and the desire and "need" for marriage isn't what it was in the past. I'm sure not everyone's take on marriage or desire for marriage, but what exactly is too loyal when you're single?

If a picture is a thousand words, where do I begin?

2008-06-04T19:16:00.000-04:00

We all saw it. Elegantly dressed in a royal purple dress Michelle Robinson Obama graced the stage holding President Elect Barack Obama's hand. They walked the from one end of the stage to another and then to the podium. They smiled, waved, clapped, and gave thanks to the audience. He stood to the right of the podium for brief moment, put his arms around her, and kissed her on the cheek. Before exiting the stage, Michelle took a small step back, gave her husband the Ride-or-die-Let's-Go-Get-'em face along with a pound and a thumbs up and made her departure. I went crazy and texted back the unknown "517" number that I had been texting with the entire evening regarding the election . I wrote 4 words...MICHELLE IS THE BOMB!

So why do I wake up this morning to find every news station discussing the "fist bump" and searching to find some underlying negative connotation? I didn't know it was up for discussion. It was the most sincere action I had seen by any couple since Whitney Houston proclaimed her ex as the King of R &B. Not only is this something we do culturally, but it was absolutely BEAUTIFUL to see an image of what real love, respect, and determination can bring. It was in the very moment that I understood everything that the Yes We Can" speech stood for. The authenticity of such an act showed me what the Obama team were really made of. This single act showed me that hope has a new meaning, change really can happen, and the role model for men and women everywhere has a new face. 1968 was not that long ago and this win means something to Black America. This single gesture showed me that Michelle and Barack understand and have not forgotten that.

Fun In the Sun...Here We Come!!!

2008-05-27T09:56:00.000-04:00

What are the must have items you are bringing for our trip ladies??? I'm so excited!!! Dominican Republic here we come!

To Trip or not to Trip?

2008-05-14T21:30:00.000-04:00

o.k. ladies, I was just offered a paid-for and much needed Island vacation during the holiday weekend. The problem is the guy and I are not romantically involved (anymore...). Would it be wrong to accept the trip knowing I will not be gettin physical with him. I explained to him that dessert would not be on the menu and he claims that's cool. However, I think he will expect me to change my mind. So, would it be foul for me to accept the trip? Honesty please.

You'll do what???

2008-04-23T21:41:00.001-04:00

"I'll take your man, that's right just for spite cause you tried to diss me while I was on the mic. But I really don't want him, ya guy ain't fly shoot, he can't afford to buy a fila suit."--Salt n Pepa

Has anyone done this? Try to take someones man just because you could, just because you wanted to see if you had the juice? I know old school word but as you can see I'm feeling old school with the Salt n Pepa. Or has someone tried to take your man just because she thought she could?

Have you went after a man that was totally unavailable (married, engaged, serious relationship)?

I'm just being nosey...

Plus one

2008-04-23T21:17:00.000-04:00

We've all been told a secret before, sometimes there's a precursory statement like, "don't tell anyone" and sometimes nothing is said but you know your not supposed to tell anyone. In either situation, do you get a plus one? Do you get to tell atleast one other person? And if so, does he/she get to tell one other person and so on?

Now, I'm not going to front I've used the plus one theory unlimitedly in both situations, more frequently with the latter because I do believe if someone tells you not to tell someone else then you shouldn't tell. But as I mature, I'm starting to think that using the plus one is not a good idea. Cause if I'm using it, I'm sure others are using it, and I don't want my business out there even if it is told to someone that I may tell anyway or someone I don't really know and I damn sure don't want it told to someone I know but would never tell my business to but because he/she is the person I told BFF that person now knows.

I'll keep it brief and ask you all what you think, should we stop with the plus one? For me, it may be a hard habit to break, so please if you tell me something until I completely kick the habit, say Tam, don't tell anyone else this information or this goes no farther then me and you. Cause I got too many BFF's and my plus one winds up being a plus 4.

Betcha wish you didn't tell me shiit! LOL

Back in the day....

2008-04-22T12:13:00.000-04:00

Do you all have pics and momentos from "back in the day" that may have a link to an old boyfriend? Whether it's a purse your child's father gave you, old pics of you and an ex, jewelry, etc....

So what do you do with these things when you get in a new relationship? When, if at any time, do you decide to let them go?

Am I wrong for thinking that your mate wanting you to get rid of this stuff anytime before marriage is unjust?

Umm...Was She Missed???

2008-04-21T11:41:00.000-04:00

Ok, so I see on the news the other night that: After eight months in prison – including 40 days in solitary confinement – rapper Foxy Brown was released Friday.

Ummmm....Was she missed? Who even remembered she went to prison? When was the last time she even put out a record?

Did anyone besides Lansing's Wendy Williams AKA Tray, know or care about this? LOL...

Poor Inga...get your sh#t together....

Pregnant Man???

2008-04-03T10:12:00.000-04:00

You've all probably seen it in the news lately, but what do you think about this Pregnant MAN story? Or should we really even be considering him a true male due to the fact that he was born a woman, and kept his female reproductive organs? Do you think the child being carried by this woman who is legally recognized as a man will have a negative impact on the child? Do you think the child will be medically messed up b/c of all the drugs and hormones the woman took in efforts to become a man?

Here's a snip of an article about it:

The story of a man who says that he is six months pregnant will tell his story to Oprah Windfrey today. The story of Thomas Beatie will also be in an exclusive article in People magazine.

ABC's Deborah Roberts reported that in the late 80s, Beattie was a feminine young woman. Today, Beatie, 34, turns heads.

He is legally recognized as a man and married to his wife of nearly five years, Nancy.

"They started a relationship as two women, Tracy as Thomas was then known, and Nancy," said Patrick Rogers, senior editor at People Magazine. "They had a lesbian relationship and then he began this transition from woman to man with hormones."

Beatie kept his reproductive organs, allowing him to conceive the couple's first baby.

The couple's story has registered everything from outrage to awe, with some wondering why he'd go to such trouble to become a man only to embrace something so symbolically female, Roberts reported.

"This is a child who may face the onslaught of the public and their opinions as to what a traditional family should be," said Dr. Jeffrey Gardere, a psychologist.

In the exclusive interview with People magazine, the father-to-be says even his own family has rejected the notion of a pregnant trans-man.

"Thomas' own brother has said that this child that he's carrying is going to be a monster," Rogers said.

One man's opinion on how you can show you love your husband/significant other

2008-03-27T15:39:00.000-04:00

I found this on a forum I belong to...it was written by a man about what he thinks about his woman and what makes her a "good" woman or his ideal woman.

I know that most of us are pretty much single (not married), and I know speaking for myself, I barely have any of these qualities (do you think its b/c I haven't met the right one????) especially when it talks about being independent. I don't throw it in a man's face, but I surely let him know up front he's not needed which I know scares them away and probably makes them feel like shit.

We are always complaining about what a man doesn't do for us but do we ever consider what are we doing for them? I know I'm personally quick to ASK/TAKE but not as quick to GIVE. Now I'm wondering if I need to be more mindful. As I'm maturing, I realize that being sweet to your man and doing things for him doesn't make me weak or stupid...I guess its all about balance. My biggest issue is that I'm not an affectionate person.

What do you guys think, do you think this man's ideal "perfect" woman exists in you and do you see yourself have these traits? I know whoever wrote this better be one hell of a man!

Disclaimer: I know this is only ONE man's view, but most of the time, "they" think alike :)

A man is in heaven with his woman when

Every time your eyes meet her facial expression instantly changes to a smile...

You always catch glimpses of her watching your every move with a look of awe even when you are doing something as simple as driving...

When you get home at the end of the day and are about to get in bed, you notice that she has put, or is putting your cell phone on the charger and you never once had to ask her - ever...

What ever you do, no matter how big or small, a gentle but helpful hand is always extended to help you...You fell a warm gentle touch on your back at any random time in the night or a regular soft kiss on your back...

Whenever you touch her - even in the slightest way - you always hear a coo or a sigh from her and her face lights up into a smile...

Constant joy and laughter...

Constant encouragement...

Love and support that does not waiver...

No matter how hard the times (and they are right now) never a single complaint but only the reassurance that all will be OK, we will make it work and she is here for me no matter what happens - and it is never any different - ever...

A soft gentle tone of reverence in her voice that is only reserved for me, not even the kids (theirs is a bit different - mine is the softest ) it is a tone that only I hear from her and it lets me know that everything is OK, and I am careful to make sure it never changes as that tone is directly connect to her emotions and the balance she has with me - if her tone ever changes, even in the slightest way, I am very concerned and ask what is wrong - and I work to fix it immediately...

When you have an occasional disagreement or misunderstanding, respect is never breached - at all - no cursing but pure respect - and she is a strong independent black woman (well she was until she let me come in and take the lead in her life, not she is a woman under her man's authority - just the way she has always wanted it to be - independence for her is something you have to be when you don't have a good man in your life - not a banner of pride to attack a man with)...

When you ask her how you look, or is your hair to long, she says she can't tell the difference because you always look good to her...

When she looks at you with her head tilted sideways, with a childlike grin, and calls you handsome - even when you know you look like crap and don't deserve it (that is real love)...

When she makes you feel like the most important thing in her life every moment of everyday...

When as much as she loves her kids, which she truly does - she still manages to put you first as her man...

A woman like this is heaven on earth for a good man.

Should I apologize?

2008-03-27T08:24:00.000-04:00

I hear every now and again from a colleage, someone who barely knows me, or just someone who just sees me in passing. It doesn't matter if get a knew cellphone, I go on a vaction, I get a new payless pair of shoes, or I go to popeyes for lunch, I hear the same ole "excuse" as to why I do it--"You don't have kids so you can do that?" What the &^(k does that mean exactly? I don't ask them for permission and I don't tell them anything. They are normally the ones overhearing my conversations, looking at what I have on my screen at work, or just arbitrarily asking about my life. Yesterday, for example, I was talking to the older gentleman who I've grown close to since meeting him. He and his wife have taken me under their wing like a niece and we talk at work sometimes. Well yesterday, we were talking about my car ventures and our DR trip (I got the flyer posted on my cork board in my office--LOL). I haven't found anything, but I'm close to getting a used "new" car because I still want to be able to live my life. That's when we went into the DR trip. He told me to look into an 08 because I work hard, etc. Not really something I thought about because I think it's a complete waste, but whatever. Well this woman at work who I really do not care for asks me later about our trip and the car. Now she know she heard everything we said, but I repeated it for her. She tells me "How much vacation do you have?" "I said "I don't know because I just take it whether I have the time or not." And really I don't know. I just take it because I think life is too hard to not to enjoy it sometimes. This broad then says "bBut you can do that 'cause you don't have kids." I just wanted to say "B!tch, I still have bills though!" I didn't though. I just said "Okay, but that doesn't mean I don't have to pay my bills." I'm just starting to get annoyed with the crap and not really sure how to take it when people say stuff like that. What do I say? Do I apologize 'cause I can do things for myself sometimes?

Is It Your Concern???

2008-03-26T12:14:00.000-04:00

Ever so often I hear stories about this, but recently I've heard two cases of it happening, and wondered what you all think, or what would you do...

If a child you know (either a close friend's child, or a relative's child) has lost their parents and has no where else to go, and is about to be placed in foster care, would you take them in? Is it your concern?

I know none of us are rich, married, and some of us have children...but do we put this aside and step up to the plate? Are there stipulations on when this should be done (if the child comes from a stable environment, child has no disabilities, whether or not you are financially stable, etc.)?

I just wonder...as a mother, and as a friend. Like if something happened to me, and my daughter was facing foster care, would someone step up for her??? Or is my heart to big in thinking and saying that if one of my close friends or family members were gone, I would take their child???

Well for me, that's my personal statement: If something happens to one of y'all, and no family member steps up, please know I will fight to have your child(ren) come live with me...I will find a way to work it out...flat out. Then they'll have to go stay w/ Aunt Tamara or Pri in the summers cause their the ones making big bucks...lol... ;-)

Just wondering what y'all thought...

What Matters Most???

2008-03-19T11:11:00.000-04:00

I know we are all different & have different views, so I was just wondering...

If God allowed you to give your mate any 3 characteristics, what would you choose for him?

In essence, What Matters Most???

Eeenie, Meenie, Miny, Mo

2008-03-19T11:05:00.000-04:00

I know this is an old topic that has been debated in the press, but I recently thought about it b/c people have asked me: If you have another child, what would you like to have?

What do you think about this:

A new clinical trial in the United States allows couples to pick the sex of their unborn children in an effort to determine the social effects.
The doctors create embryos for the study members using assisted reproduction. Then they figure out each embryo's sex using a process called preimplantation genetic diagnosis (PGD). The parents then select a male or female embryo to be implanted in the mother's uterus. In pre-implantation sex selection, prospective parents' eggs and sperm are combined in a petri dish producing several embryos. Doctors then take a single cell from each embryo and test it to see which chromosome it bears. Only embryos of the desired sex are implanted in a woman's womb. The chances that this technique will result in a successful pregnancy that comes to term are similar to those of in vitro fertilization in general: about 20 to 30 percent. This type of sex selection is not cheap -- costs run around $20,000 per attempt.
The process is not new. PGD is also used to screen for genetic defects.
And in about 3 percent of the thousands of PGD procedures conducted in the United States each year, parents are picking the gender of their babies, according to one study. Scientists have for years been debating the ethics and possible health, social and psychological effects of selecting for sex.
Sexual selection is banned in Britain, Canada and several other countries, according to the journal, at least in part because of public concerns that it would lead to sex discrimination.

If I Had One Wish...

2008-03-18T16:44:00.000-04:00

If you had One Wish like Ray J, lol, what would you wish for? And sorry, I'm not accepting "More $" as an answer...

Jay

Got Something For That???

2008-03-10T12:13:00.000-04:00

A couple of us have kids, the others have nieces and nephews, or if nothing else, strong azz opinions...lol...Anyways, here in ATL I've noticed more and more high school aged girls swaying to the lesbian culture. Down at the Underground shopping area, tons of these girls have the baggy clothes, braids to the back or heads w/ a fade, eyebrows pierced, and holding hands/kissing/sitting on each other's laps, etc. I've also seen or can remember being young and there being that one little boy who acted very feminine. Didn't like sports, wanted to be a ballerina at Halloween, wanted to hang only with females, had a switch in his walk, etc. And as he grew up, we "found out" he was gay. My question is: If you notice these gay tendencies in your child at a young age, is there anything you can do to change it? I've heard people say if their son was like that, they'd "beat it outta him", or find ways to toughen him up. Do you think it is possible to do this, or are you just creating a closet gay? For the young girls, do you think this is just a fad that has become "cute" in the media w/ the whole "my girl's got a girlfriend" hype? Just wondering...remember old folks used to swear they had a remedy for everything...so...Got Something For That???

How Similar Must We Really Be???

2008-03-10T11:40:00.001-04:00

We've all hit the BIG 3-0 and have fazed out our "closing down the club" days. I myself only club when there is something taking place there (some sort of party for a friend). My question is: At this point in your life, if you found a man that seemed "perfect" but he doesn't drink or go to clubs, would it be a "deal breaker" for you? Would the thought of having to ALWAYS go to social events alone be a turn off for you? Does his reaction to you going to stuff like this affect your decision (whether he's cool or nags)? Do you consider it a sign of immaturity for women of our age to still go to clubs? Is the club issue really a big issue? Is this difference to much to handle?

What do u think ladies....

Naturally Ever After

2008-03-08T21:16:00.000-05:00

I know my hair has always been too much of a discussion with all of you for years and even and even moreso in the last 3-4 months. I discussed going natural here and all my natural sistas have given me so much inspiration. Keera, Jay, Mae and Andi have all been an inspiration and have given me so many tips for letting my "soul glow." It had actually been a forethought about 5-6 years ago, but this was the time to do it. Everyone who knows I decided to make this transition has asked me the same thing--Why? It was not for any reason other than I simply wanted to stop chemically altering my hair. Period. As ya'll know I was sooooo afraid of looking a HAM while growing it out and let me be honest. I have looked a mess about 10 days total since November, but for less than 3 days each time. I stopped getting relaxers in late September/early October...can't remember the exact month but it was right before HU Homecoming. For a while I was just having my former stylist flat iron my roots, but I was noticing the "tension point" in som eareas was starting to weaken more than others. At that point I knew I had to find a stylist who could really help me in my process. I was referred to a wonderful young lady in Owings Mills who was supportive of my process. We started doing big curls, flat twists, updos, and anythng else that kept heat off my head and protected my ends. My hair was looking very nice and I was having fun with my hair but I was getting tired (and not used to) of wearing my hair anything other than straight for an extended period of time. Besides, I think my last updowas braided too tight and my scalp needed air. Well I was stuck between"should I braid it, twist it, or what. I wasn't ready to quite cut off the ends yet so pressing it was pretty much out the picture, but they were raggedy as heck and needed it. Well as God would have it, in mid-February I ran into a parent on my nephew's basketball team who had a beautiful bouncing and behaving flat ironed style. Come to find out, her hair was natural and she started her process similar to mine. I started going to this lady about 3 weeks ago and at that time we cut off about 3 inches of my hair. Thank God I had been growing it out or I would have been a mess. But she treated it, cut it to about nape length, and pressed me out. I am wearing it in a little tootie/pageboy/bob/Judy Jetson that I've rocked before, but EVERYONE has been complimenting my hair. Everyone keeps saying that there's "somethingabout it" and there is nothing different except I'm pressing it. Note:I work with 95% men and you know they don't normally say much about hair so when they do, it's really looking good. My hair was thickening up quite a bit, my natural hair color is back (also got compliments onthat and I've been working here for almost 3 years). I just feel really FREE now. I knew my hair was natural when Thursday Monday morning I parted myhair and saw dandruff. Do you know I haven't had dandruff since I used to get my hair pressed as a youth? That was a good sign to me! LOL I know I still have to take care of my hair and I do protect it at night, but I don't need as much oil anymore, I don't worry about my ends AS much (but I do still worry), I don't worry about "new growth" and I don't even feel compelled to wrap my hair at the drop of a dime. I go outside without an umbrella if it's lightly sprinkling out, I want to wear a winter hat, and my "kitchen" and puffy edges just do not matter to me anymore. LOL I didn't have anymajor breakage during my growing out process because I was veryattentive to my hair and stayed at the salon, but I knew it was possible. It's just a blessing that I've found two stylists that I can alternate between that promote natural hair. They promote women that want versatility with natural hair. Both have 90% natural clients and about 40% of the clients press 100% of the time. At this point, I really don't have a direction for my hair. At first I was going to press 100% of the time, then I was going to do textured styles most of time, but I'm going with the flow. I have seen so many straight and textured styles that I want to try and this is my time to do it.

New Erykah Badu…uuh, ba-DON’T! (well, maybe)

2008-02-29T17:31:00.000-05:00

Every Erykah Badu album release feels like a reunion with a long, lost friend. I was in my sophomore year of college coming into my own when her Grammy-winning 1997 debut, Baduizm, dropped and changed R&B forever. She changed it so much, they created a new genre for her music—Neo-soul. With each subsequent album--Live (1997), Mama's Gun (2000), Worldwide Underground (2003)—Erykah developed musically to sights unknown to us kids that missed the Motown era.

Now the Dallas-born, Queen of neo-soul has returned with a new CD, New Amerykah, which dropped February 26—Ms. Erykah's birthday. Yesterday I popped it into the CD player in the car during my morning commute, ready to once again have every emotion bestowed upon me and start selecting “my cuts” off the album. Yet all I could say was “What the hell! Is this Electric Circus part II?” Grant it, Badu has always been for the esoteric but this doesn’t even seem to appeal to her loyal listeners. While that’s not necessarily a bad thing, the album just isn't as engaging melodically as her previous platinum-selling releases. The album, which has the throwback feel of Parliament-Funkadelic coupled with chaotic Trip-hop, New Amerykah’s melancholy mood beseeches your tolerance and maturity. Gone are the homegrown analog tracks that we’ve grown accustomed to (or at least what I thought was authentic); These tracks were made in the digital world.

I could go on and on about why this just isn’t, but while writing this I have skimmed the tracks on New Amerykah a couple of times. And while this isn’t something for “Tyrone” nor does it make you look for an “Orange Moon,” I’m sure there is something in this message for me. It’s just going to take some time for me to find it.

Bonus:
I have attempted to give a track by track synopsis and review of the album. The highlighted songs are the only one's that I am NOT taking off my IPOD.

Amerykahn Promise: Very 70’s, fight the power vibe. To be honest, the beat was so annoying I didn’t even listen to the lyrics.

The Healer/Hip Hop: I don’t particularly like the track and I can’t listen to it more than once a day (if that), but it’s a true ode to Hip Hop and all of its magnificence.

Me: As usual, she keeps it real when talking about love. In the song she states “Had two babies, different dudes…and for them both my love was true.” This song is HOT!

My People: I couldn’t listen to the whole track…sorry.

Soldier: Real mellow, yet tight, track. This song has a strong message and I think everyone will be able to relate to it.

The Cell: Not very audible, but I heard “Mama hopped up on cocaine,” “Code white stands for trouble,” and “the Po-Po” so I know it’s speaking about something that while not forgotten, hasn’t been mentioned a lot in music today.

Twinkle: Again, another one I couldn’t get pass and didn’t listen to the lyrics.

Master Teacher: The track was a little too busy for me and drew my attention from the lyrics. I will have to listen again on some other day and some other time.

That Hump: Not really something I could get with. Again, didn't really listen.

Telephone: Okay, now this is why I fell in love with her Baduizm back in 1997. This song my favorite and from what I read, it’s inspired by a story J. Dilla's mother told Badu. In his final days, Dilla would float in and out of coherence, having real conversations with people no one else could see. One of these people, as Dilla told his mother, was ODB. Dirty was telling Dilla that when he gets to the other side not to get on the red bus, although it was inviting. The white bus would be the one to pick him up. In the song she says "Telephone! It's Old Dirty. He wants to give you directions home." The song not only gives us further belief in the everlasting life that we were so promised if we believe, but she made me view Dirty in another light.

Honey: This is a hidden track on "Telephone." This track doesn’t flow with the rest of the album, but it’s the reason I bought this.

Apologies...

2008-02-20T22:39:00.000-05:00

This will be brief but I'm wondering is it ever to late to apologize? And is one apology enough? What does saying I'm sorry mean these days? Does it mean you won't do what you did anymore and that one "I'm sorry" is enough? Or does someone have to repeatedly apologize? But what if the person is continuing to apologize but still fucking up? And on the flip side the person who said I'm sorry once just shows he/she means it by living by his/her words and not fucking up anymore. What do you prefer? Shouldn't one sorry be enough? And even if you keep apologizing but don't do the behavior anymore, how long and how often do you have to apologize?

Just curious...

To upgrade or not upgrade...that is the question (for mother's that is)

2008-02-17T12:34:00.000-05:00

I've never really had a problem with cutting someone loose. I may allow the relationship to linger for sometime only because I'm not always obedient (I pray on all relationships), but there's never a concrete reason for that person to stay around and I eventually move on. But for a single mother is it really that easy? I was talking with a girlfriend yesterday and she and her baby daddy/boyfriend did not do anything for Valentine's day as a couple. It wasn't because she didn't want to, but because he is extremely selfish and always puts himself first. Yesterday she stated that "I want a good boyfriend" and I told her "You can, but you just choose not to." And she said "I know." We went on to talk about why she stays and it pretty much has to do with their child. Not that he's in the running for Father of the Year, but she wants her child to be raised in the home with both parents. This lingered really heavy in my heart and mind yesterday because I can't believe that she's sacrificing her own happiness based on how she THINKS her son is going ot react. I'm extremely selfish and will not sacrifice my happiness for ANYONE--not even a child.. If I'm not okay, I won't be okay to take care of a child so I just don't see myself staying. But then again, I'm not a parent so maybe all of you can help me with this one. Do you upgrade or just pray this man becomes a better father and boyfriend?

Here Comes The Bride...

2008-02-11T16:50:00.000-05:00

I'll keep this short and sweet...

What do y'all think about destination weddings? Is it selfish of the couple to have a wedding that requires guests to pay to attend (travel, room, etc.)? What would be the deciding factors on whether or not you would attend one?

The Perfect Balance Concierge is offering promotions!

2008-02-08T16:20:00.000-05:00

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IS IT POSSIBLE TO LOVE TWO PEOPLE AT THE SAME TIME??

2008-02-06T19:22:00.000-05:00

Has there ever been a time in your life when you've loved two people at the same time? I've seemed to be in that position before, or at least I felt I was. I have asked myself if maybe one feeling was a feeling of lust and the other love? Or maybe I was stuck between a rock and a hard spot. When in a situation like this what would you do? Do you lead a double life enjoying the relations with both, or do you feel as though you are violating the one you're with. However, as a young adolesence you are taught to follow your heart. Maybe following your heart isn't the best for you. Your body is saying "yes" and your mind is saying "no". On the other hand, the one you're with sexually isn't fulfilling all of your sexual desires, but is the one who loves you whole heartly. Hey ladies!! WHAT WOULD YOU DO?????????????

Should I just get my man back?

2008-01-24T23:47:00.000-05:00

All of you know that 30 has been absolutely fabulous for me. However, I'm afraid that my joy is starting to come to an end. About 2-3 weeks ago, a girlfriend who is a few years younger stated "You'll be 31 this year...Oh my goodness, you are getting old." Right at that very moment a sudden slight sadness came upon me. Not a sadness, but a fear. I realized that while I've been living everyday like it's my birthday, alone, and it's something that I should just get used to. It looks like I'll probably be doing this for the next 40 years. It is exactly 4 months until my 31st birthday and I don't even have any in my life that looks like a stable relationship. While a man has never been a top priority for me and I've just been happy doing me, right now I love for male companionship. And I mean real companionship--not sex. I go to quite a few events and it would be nice to include someone in those plans. In the past two months, I have bought single tickets to Chris Rock, Jill Scott, and Alvin Ailey and not because I've wanted to, but because I expect a certain type of relationshp with a man and right now I can't find that. Last year this time, I had someone. And while the relationship was not 100% what I wanted, I think that maybe I should have just settled with the 75% I had. I told Tamara that I was going to work on gettin my man back because he wasn't horrible, but he just never wanted to get married again (hence the 25% reduction). He was okay with us buying a home together, having a child, and living as a married couple, but putting it on paper was not going to happen. Am I asking for too much? A ring is not a request, it's a requirement for me, but at this point should I just sacrifice that 25% knowing that all I would ever be to him is a "live-in?"

Brown skin v. lady lumps...

2008-01-23T21:54:00.000-05:00

According to the media, black women are facing a dilemma, and are in a power position politically to pick, either the first black president or the first female president. So what's a lady to do? I for one, am voting skin first. Not to say that I haven't scoped out the issues and tried to figure out who stood for what I stood for, and not to say that I don't support Hilary as a woman. However, as a black person, I'm more attached to my blackness. Yes, I'm a woman, but I'm black first, woman second. Further, as a friend pointed out, with the fluidity of sexual identity these days, it is easy to go from he to she, she to he, or be a shemity (he/she). It is not so easy to, contrary to the way Michael Jackson looks, to turn yourself from black to white.

Though I believe, both Hilary and Barack, would move this country in a positive direction, I stand for Barack Obama. I feel like when I'm voting for him, I'm voting for the package, black man, black wife, black kids, and that represents me.

Who represents you?

Closed Legs...

2008-01-15T12:39:00.000-05:00

I was watching The Best Man the other night and it got me to thinking about men/dating/marriage. I'm sure you all remember the movie but what didn't stand out to me the first time (because of course I was viewing it for entertainment) but for some reason stuck out to me this time was how Morris Chestnut's character was so adamant about his fiance's chastity. He was very proud of the fact that he was "her first, her last, her only." Then I thought about a previous conversation I had with a friend of mine a couple of years ago and she was upset because her boyfriend was talking about a girl they knew who was in her 20's and still a virgin. So, he was praising the way the girl had held out and was saying how she was the optimal woman etc. Of course, my girl was heated because she's been pulling out all her sexual tricks, which he was quite pleased with, but here this Mofo was talking about how great it would be to have a girlfriend/wife who was a virgin, so what was he trying to say about her?

Is a virgin a man's first choice? But since there are probably so few do men "settle" for the woman who has had sex but not many partners or does it not matter as long as she's not a complete slut bucket?

Men say things like, "I want a lady in the streets and a freak in the sheets." But then a woman's virtue is also her glory, and apparently a man's, right?

There's also a saying, "Closed legs don't get fed." -Player's Club. But do closed legs get the man, get married?

Is this the breakdown? If you've never had penis before=you're the woman that men exhalt but may not necessairly date or date but do as Morris Chestnut character did (sleep around); If you've had penis before but are no longer accepting penis=men don't understand and will be pissed that you decided to stop banging since you met them and you should try that with the next cat, questionable if they will date you but may continue in hopes to try to get you to accept the penis; Conservtively accepting penis=dateable, more than likely will continue to date, may lead to marriage depending on other qualities the woman has; Always accepting penis=will take you on a date, questionable of whether or not they will take you seriously or just as a piece of ass, possible hoe to housewife situation.

Hmmm...

Cruise Control

2007-12-21T17:27:00.000-05:00

Ya’ll know how this starts, I was having a conversation, and my friend and I were talking about being complacent. I was saying how sometimes I felt like I wasn’t doing all I could do to chase my dreams. Sometimes I feel like I’m just doing the minimum. For instance, I’ve always wanted to go to law school. So, I make that happen. But when I get there, I’m like cool, I got here, I’m good and I just kind of sit back and chill. My grades have been decent but have they been what they could be if I wasn’t wasting my time doing senseless shit? Not even close. I try to blame it on getting bored easy, and while that could be part of it, I also believe that sometimes I get lulled into mediocrity (sleeping when I could be studying, talking on the phone, watching T.V., basically anything to keep me being basic).

But here’s the thing, I know I’m not a mediocre woman. I know what I’m capable of when I’m running towards NOT walking towards my dreams. I know what its like to really hustle for what I want and say, “Fuck the world ‘cause I’m doing me.” Now, it doesn’t always have to be that hardcore because there can be balance but I guess at 30, I know I can’t walk I have to run towards what I want.

I feel like Toni Child’s, “I specialize in results” (Get up on your Girlfriends game) and the results I specialize in are ME. I’m trying to gain a focus that I haven’t had before because I know what I do when I’m working at my lowest level, so watch out for me when I’m working at my highest. I’m trying to separate myself from the pack. This isn’t about money this is about not having any regrets. I don’t ever want to be that broad that didn’t try, that sat back and watched while other people participated, I’ve never been a sit back kind of person anyway but sometimes I slip.

We always hear about someone having the potential to be great. I hate the saying, “He has so much potential.” People see this as a compliment but I see it like this: while potential can be a good thing, you have to realize that potential can potentially fuck up.

I always here a ton of excuses from people of why they can’t do something, but then they want to sit on the phone with me for an hour and talk about some bullshit. I tell you what Kat Williams said it best, “If you talking the same shit you was talking last year, then we really ain’t got shit to talk about.” (I believe I’m paraphrasing but ain’t that some righteous shit?) Yo, I’ve been right there with whomever trying to figure out what some Dude is talking about, what Dude may be thinking etc. I’m telling you it’s a waste of your fucking time and a bigger waste of my time. All the time we trying to Davinci Code this man’s mind could’ve been spent on making some shit happen. If you clever enough to play cloak and dagger with a man then you clever enough to figure out how you can do what you need to do to live your dreams. There’s nothing wrong with a little girl talk ‘cause the shit can be fun but on the hand I’ma grown ass woman and I like to talk about grown things and if the convo is strictly limited to what the hell a man is thinking, doing etc, I’m hanging up. I mean I’ve had enough of these conversations, 13-30 is plenty years to have talked about some of the same men bullshit we talk about. Don’t get me wrong, I like talking bout the new dude in someone’s life, I’m there for my girls as they are for me when dude fucks up but after awhile there’s only so much my ass is just going to listen too. Okay I’ma stop ‘cause that’s going to turn into a different post. My bottom line: let’s stop wasting time.

All I’m saying is this, if you have a dream that you haven’t given your all too then you need to go after it. If you want to go back to school-GO! If you want to make more money you may have to change your damn job! You may have to give up that boss that you super tight with and be a little uncomfortable for a minute. Whatever it is don’t sideline yourself, step outside of your box. I know I don’t want to be at someone’s plantation but if I have to be there I need to be maximizing my dollar potential. (Shout out right now to my girls who know how to get that done—ya’ll know who you are—I wanna be ya’ll one day! LOL)

I’ll leave with this: EXCUSES BUILD BRIDGES TO NOWHERE. AND LIKE RICK ROSS “EVERYDAY I’M HUSTLIN” I’M JUST HUSTLIN THESE BOOKS AND EXAMS RIGHT NOW! LOL

Ya’ll thought I was going to talk about cars, huh?

How far would you go for love?

2007-12-20T16:11:00.000-05:00

I recently have seen a couple of documentaries about couples where one partner was HIV-positive and the other was negative. In all the cases, the woman was positive, and the couples went on to get married, one couple was even contemplating having children. My question is...if a man told you he was HIV-positive, could/would you continue to date him?

Going Without....

2007-12-20T16:06:00.000-05:00

If your mate decided that he would like you two to abstain from having sex prior to marriage, could/would you? Is the answer the same if you've already been "doing the do"?

Admitting some hard truths . . . .

2007-12-17T13:58:00.000-05:00

I'm not trying to bring the mood of the board down. I'm not. But over the last few days, I've been thinking and I've had to admit some hard truths to myself. I guess b/c a new year is approaching; I’m just taking stock of my life. I invite you all to share in this experience with me.

I admit that . . .

I can be cold blooded sometimes and sound heartless about some topics

I really resent my family sometimes. I love them but I sometimes wonder if I would have been better off with someone else

I procrastinate way too much

I’m having the hardest time getting my debt/credit together and I do NOT know where to start and this is causing me MAJOR stress lately

Forgiveness is really honorable, but I'm really not there in my life with some people who deserve to get their sh*t handed back to them on a platter

I don't know if I will ever truly be loved by a man. I wonder if a man will ever really truly be there for me. I wonder if a man will ever stay, instead of leave me.

I wonder if I'm still capable of love because every guy I go out with I just feel like "Yeah, whatever " I don't get excited about them, some I feel like I know their game, some I'm just not attracted to, etc.

As "go-getter" as I may appear in my career, ALL I truly want at this point is a man to truly love me, want to be with me, and raise a family with. I would trade in virtually every material thing I have for that love and support

It’s okay to have hurt feelings and admit them. It’s okay to cry and not fear that I am being too sensitive

Most of the time, for most of my life, I have felt disturbingly empty and alone. I fear this is something I will never overcome

I put on a strong front to get through the day-to-day, but inside, I'm really, really fragile. I reach my breaking point on at least a weekly basis

The lack of love I feel in my life has me on the edge of my breaking point on a very regular basis

What's your limit?

2007-12-15T01:27:00.000-05:00

So I was talking to a friend last night-yes I know I'm always talking to someone-and we were talking about the slim dating prospects out there. We talked about dating "others" (non-black) but that's a whole 'nother post but then we turned to age. She keeps getting told to go older. I've had this convo w/Pri before and everyone knows my motto: OLD MEN GIVE YOU WORMS! LOL

But how old would you go? As a 30 year old woman, I'm told it shouldn't be a problem for me to date someone 40. For me this is a problem. My age range is 28-35. I joke and say I could raise someone but I know I ain't doing that. But anyway, I feel like 40 is too old. When a 40 year old tries to holla at me all I'm thinking is parent! And I'm thinking, ewww you pervert, I'm a girl and get your grown ass away from me. And don't let him try to holla at me in a club then I'm thinking, "what's your old ass doing in the club Bobby Brown!" (Bobby Brown is the code name Pri & I came up w/for an old Nig in the club) I know this sounds foolish cause I'm a grown ass woman but on the other hand the man was 10 before I was even a thought.

So what's your limit? How old is too old for you? Or is age just a number?

Female's Vs. Male's

2007-12-11T13:49:00.000-05:00

Sex! Who has the higher sex drive? Males or females? I think we always assume it is the males, but the older I get the more I wonder if it's the females? Or is that only because we are now at our sexual peek and males, our age, are past theirs? How do we find that balance without making men feel like less of a man? And how can we be sure everyone is satisfied and fulfilled? Or are all my female friends such a rare breed with our uniqueness!?!

Dating Topic 1001...

2007-12-08T00:52:00.000-05:00

Recently, I was talking to one of my friends and she was telling me about a guy that she was interested in. Long story short, she heard he was into playing video games. Right off the bat, that was a for lack of a better term "red flag" for her. My initial reaction surprised me cause admittedly I am the first to say, "Oh Hell Naw" to a myriad of things. But my advice to her was: What's wrong with a man having interest. Hell, if he has the Wii play it with him cause that shit looks fun!

A few years ago I would've told my friend to abort her interest without her even getting to know him better. He would've been a "Tigga" (A man who lives in his momma's basement or has those slacker ass ways) but this isn't always the case.

I'm not saying get with the man who plays 15 hours a day but if that's his way to decompress or just what he's interested in then why not give the brother a chance?

I say all this to say, that sometimes we as women, put so many stipulations on a man that we wind up by ourselves and then wonder why. I'm not saying lower your standards but you could turn what you see as a negative into a positive. And playing video games w/him may be a great way to have some quality time (and you know dude will have some strong fingers! *wink* LOL).

So what will you do the next time you meet a video gamer or a "flaw" that you think you can't get over? Will you Wii?

What's your song????

2007-12-07T09:52:00.000-05:00

So I'm listening to Steve Harvey today and he asked a question - if you could pick one song to hear for the rest of your life, what would that song be? His choice was a song by Earth, Wind & Fire. I think it was called "Love Holiday" or something like that. He played it on "Kings of Comedy"...it went something like this:

Would you mind if I touch, if I kiss, if I held you tight in the morning light
Would you mind if I said how I felt tenderly tonight again cause
I never ever felt this way in my heart before
Love has a holiday in my heart tonight

Today was the first time I actually listened to those words...beautiful song. I need to step up my "old skool" game forreal. Late 80's/early 90's is NOT old enough LOL

So what would your song be???????

For one more day.....

2007-12-07T09:42:00.000-05:00

I was watching Oprah yesterday and she had this author by the name of Mitch Albom on there. He wrote a book entitled "For One More Day". The story revolves around Chick Benetto, a washed up salesman who returns to his small hometown with plans to take his own life. Magically, his departed mother walks back into his life—and he is granted one more day with her.

This episode got me to thinking.....if I could spend one day with someone, who would it be? What would I say? So I post the question to you all - if you could spend one more day with someone you have loved and lost, what would you say? Make sure its someone you actually knew...not Tupac, MLK, Jr, Biggie, etc. It can also be more than one person. But please tell what you would say to this person.

P.S. The movie to this book will be on ABC this Sunday.

Grandmother at 29!

2007-12-05T10:26:00.001-05:00

I am 30 and could NOT imagine being someone's grandmother at the age of 30!

Celia Magee, 15, holds her infant son, Russell, while sitting next to her mother, Leticia Magee, who gave birth to Celia when she was a teenager herself. Celia Magee turned 16 on Oct. 18

Quad-City area teenagers are still having babies. But the good news is that fewer teens are doing so across the region — and in Iowa, Illinois and the United States as a whole — than 10 years ago.Some say the teens who are having babies seem to be getting younger and younger, including a few junior high or middle school students, but the most recent state health departmentstatistics available do not closely track the ages of teen parents.

What the statistics do show is an overall decline in births among people younger than 20 years since about 1995.And then there are stories such as Celia’s.She sits clad in pink Eeyore pajamas, flipping through channels from her hospital bed.The room is dark and quiet, just right for sleeping. But Celia Magee is wide-awake. She can’t stop looking down at the tiny boy cradled in her left arm.

“I don’t know even what color his eyes are yet,” she says. “He never opens his eyes.”

Russell Eugene is 1 day old. His mother is 15. She fidgets with a bottle of milk as she talks.She can’t wait to get back into her old clothes. When will the baby weight go away?And shopping. She loves to shop. She can’t believe her son already has more new clothes than she does.Then, sitting up straighter in bed, she asks, “When do you think I can play basketball again? I want to go out for the team at school.”She can’t yet imagine the sleepless nights, the responsibility.

Until a few days ago, Celia’s bedroom was the biggest in the house.And she didn’t have to share it with anyone.The big bed, the colorful comforter set, the fluffy pillows: She loved it all.But the teen especially loved the sense of family, and the tranquility, that came with it. For six months, Celia lived at the new Brighter Futures Maternity Home, which operates from a house in Davenport.She had to find somewhere to live because her mother was so angry, she says. And it turned out to be a good choice. The house parents and volunteers treated her like family. She still talks to them almost every day now that she has moved out.

Celia, who moved in when she was three months pregnant, was the first to finish the program and have her baby while living in the home.“That was a special bond,” said Tammy Ryan, a member of the home’s board of directors and the resident child birth assistant and educator. “I got to know a lot about her.”

Celia’s mother, Leticia Magee, always warned her to never get pregnant. It would complicate things, she said.Leticia is a grandmother at 29. She was 13 — a seventh-grader — and living in Chicago when she gave birth to her oldest child. She lived with her grandmother and named the baby after her: Celia. “I was determined to finish high school, but college wasn’t for me,” she said. “I was 20 when I had my next child.” Now she has four: Celia; 9-year-old Romeo Johnson, 4-year-old Ramone Johnson and 1-year-old Romello Johnson. She always urged Celia to tell her if she was having sex so she could arrange birth control for her.But when Celia did tell her, it was too late. They found out during a doctor’s appointment that she was already pregnant.“I cried,” Leticia said. “I was upset.”Celia said she could not believe it, either.

She and Russell’s dad are not together. They are more like friends, she said.Celia has known her own father, who lives in Chicago, only since she was 10. She and Russell are living with her mother and three little brothers in the Lincoln Homes complex in Rock Island, where the family moved five years ago.They left Chicago after Leticia heard about a friend moving to the Quad-Cities and how much low-income housing was available. She wants to open a beauty shop, but for now she stays home with her youngest sons and new grandson.

Back at home with her mother and brothers, Celia — wearing pajamas and a do-rag that covers her hair — holds the baby. Her tank top shows off two black tattoos on her arms.One, which winds down her forearm, reads “Tish,” her mom’s nickname. Another, below her shoulder, reads “Manica Magee,” which is the teen’s rap name.Leticia told the girl she could get inked if she kept her grades up. They went to Chicago to get it done.“She earned them,” Leticia said, nodding her head.Celia writes rap songs in her spare time, but she does not foresee making a living by doing that.“I want to do computers,” she said, or maybe health occupations.

Leticia wanted Celia “to have more out of life” than becoming a teenage parent.“But anything can happen,” she said. “I want her to go to college.”Her mother admits that sometimes she is “too much of a friend than a parent” to her daughter, who turned 16 on Oct. 18.“Everybody’s gotta make their own decisions and your own choices, too,” Leticia said. “But she’s cool. She’s gonna be all right.”Celia was supposed to return to Rock Island High School six weeks after having the baby Sept. 26.But she and her mother say there was a mix-up with the credits she earned from the Kimberly Center in the Davenport School District while staying at the maternity home.

Celia finally returned to school Nov. 13, but not at Rocky. Now, she’s going to the district’s Thurgood Marshall alternative school, which offers “credit recovery,” she said.By the end of the school year, she should qualify to start back in August as a junior at Rocky, she said. She is taking basic courses such as math, health, English and physical education.And she’s dog-tired most days.Russell — almost 2 months old now, wide-eyed and alert — does not sleep much at night.“He got his days mixed up,” she said, gently rubbing Vaseline on his little face. “He sleeps all day. I try to switch him around, but he won’t.”The baby has cradle cap on his scalp, too, she says. Her mother tells her not to worry: The baby will grow out of it.So she tries to focus on school, but mostly she thinks about gym class.“You can leave early, but I stay,” she said. “I play basketball.”The hoops are unlike the ones near her apartment where people hang on the metal rims and bend them. At school, they’re just right.She can’t wait to get back.

We did promise a post today

2007-12-03T21:47:00.001-05:00

I am so very tired right now...work, homework with the boys, waiting for my sister to get home so I can go home, I guess normal life for most, but so off base for me. My sister has a part-time and I'm forced to watch the boys. I guess they could watch themselves, but then I don't trust these people around here. Anywho, I promised our "sister" and fan that we would post something on the Sean Taylor murder. She was deeply moved by this due to having a son, a man, and a brother who this could have been. It didn't hit me that hard. Honestly, I don't know why. I started thinking about my reaction after talking to her and wondering if my reaction to the news is normal. I decided that while it isn't a matter of my behavior being normal or abnormal. After all the murders in the Washington, DC that I've heard about over the years, I've simply became desensitized. I will never forget how in 1996, the murder was was 397. As a young lady barely out of her teens living here alone, I was frightened to walk out my door. Over time I kind of had to grow up, get street smart, and learn that shit happens--just try to keep out the way of the shit. You know that this is the way of life and you deal with it. I have to make decisions to ensure I stay away from it as best as I can. Now if I have that attitude, has anyone stopped to think about how politicians, community leaders, educators, and law enforcement, and Justice department looks at us? I don't think so because if they did, Black people would see we don't stand a chance in hell at surviving as a race. People have given up on us. Our music and behavior show that even WE have given up on us. But this is something we should have saw coming a long time ago. 'Pac predicted this demise a long time ago when he eloquently stated "and if we don't we'll have a race of babies that will hate the ladies and make the babies." Isn't that where we are now? I really do think we know better...we just don't care. There isn't too much more that you can expect from us. Hell, I think after Sean Taylor's untimely homegoing I really don't expect much more from us. It's sad, but it's my thoughts. Until we get back to a place where parenting and education comes first with all people--even those of us without children--it will not change.

Am I the only one confused as hell?

2007-11-29T21:49:00.000-05:00

Okay, I read that story about the British teacher that was found guilty of allowing Sudanese students to name a teddy bear Muhammed. She was convicted of insulting Islam and was sentenced to 15 days in prison and deportation back to Britain. Not bad considering she could have received 40 lashes and six months in prison in the case if found guilty of the more serious charge of inciting religious hatred and given the maximum penalty.

I'm not upset by either sentence because I have the upmost respect for all cultures, beliefs, and way of life. Most cultures are completely different than those of Western culture, but I truly belive that "When in Sudan, do as the Sudanese." My beef is with the comments from the United States. The White House spokeswoman, Dana Perino told reporters "Anyone looking at this at the face would conclude this is outrageous."

Am I missing something here?

First, who the fuck cares what our opinion is? Second, we have our own issues to deal with before throwing stones. In the U.S, we have certain communities that still do not have or just obtained clean running water in their homes. NO INDOOR PLUMBING IN THE 21ST CENTURY! (www.nesc.wvu.edu/ndwc/articles/OT/WI05/self-help.pdf)
We have children that die of dental related complications because of problems with the Medicaid system. (http://www.washingtonpost.com/wp-dyn/content/article/2007/02/27/AR2007022702116.html)
We live in a country where a person can get more time for selling crack to somone who wants to abuse the substance than a person that sexually abuses a child that doesn't understand what abuse is--even under the new federal sentencing guidelines. (http://www.nytimes.com/2007/11/02/us/02crack.html)(http://www.msnbc.msn.com/id/21917798/)
On any given day a young man can do time for being 17 and having consensual sex with a 15 year old young lady. (reference any article on Genarlow Wilson)
Situations like Jena 6, FEMA ignoring my New Orleans family during the devastation, and the working poor are becoming status quo and she calls the sentencing of this British teacher "outrageous."

WHY WON'T WE DO BETTER?!

2007-11-27T19:46:00.000-05:00

In the article that follows, it states that 9 of 10 women tested between 2001 and 2006 were African-American. When I first heard it, I was upset with the statistics and said that I was going to start dating outside of my race due to Black men infecting up. I couldn't understand why they would unselfishly cotinue to have unprotected sex and bring the disease back to us when they know the risks. But it's not their fault. BLACK WOMEN, WE NEED TO DO BETTER! While this article showed that we need to start enforcing that men use condoms, I am taking it one step further. We need to just set some boundaries for ourselves. As a whole, we have a problem with doing so in all relationships--co-wokers, parents, siblings, chidren, and (moreso) with men. Women will continuously allow so much to happen in our relationships before we say enough. Black women will have all the evidence that a man is cheating, but a woman will stay. She may have verbally ended the relationship, but it has not ended. She may cuss,cry, put his ass out, call the "other" woman, call his mama, and even verbally end the relationship, but she will continue a sexual relationship with this man. She may even know that he is sleeping with another man, engaging in group sex, and using drugs (I didn't limit it to IV drugs because I think all drugs lead to risky behavior), but she will not let this relationship end.

From the time we are little girls we dream of getting married. We pray that each relationship results in the ultimate commitment and will do EVERYTHING--many out of character--even when it is broken from the jump. I'll be the first to admit that dating is hard, but we neet to stop subjecting ourselves to such physical devastation just to not be a part of the 42% (percentage of Black women that never marry). I don't know the numbers, but I'm sure most of these 9 women are mothers. They have children to raise, but they did not protect themselves because they did not set boundaries. It's an extremely sad reality that we cannot leave solely up to Black men to make the change. We have always been on the frontline of every fight affecting our people so let's be on the frontline in the fight against HIV/AIDs.

_________________________________

Study Calls HIV in D.C. A 'Modern Epidemic'

More Than 80 Percent Of Recent Cases Were Among Black Residents
By Susan Levine
Washington Post Staff Writer Monday, November 26, 2007; Page A01

The first statistics ever amassed on HIV in the District, released today in a sweeping report, reveal "a modern epidemic" remarkable for its size, complexity and reach into all parts of the city.

The numbers most starkly illustrate HIV's impact on the African American community. More than 80 percent of the 3,269 HIV cases identified between 2001 and 2006 were among black men, women and adolescents. Among women who tested positive, a rising percentage of local cases, nine of 10 were African American.

The 120-page report, which includes the city's first AIDS update since 2000, shows how a condition once considered a gay disease has moved into the general population. HIV was spread through heterosexual contact in more than 37 percent of the District's cases detected in that time period, in contrast to the 25 percent of cases attributable to men having sex with men.

"It blows the stereotype out of the water," said Shannon Hader, who became head of the District's HIV/AIDS Administration in October. Increases by sex, age and ward over the past six years underscore her blunt conclusion that "HIV is everybody's disease here."

The new numbers are a statistical snapshot, not an estimate of the prevalence of infection in the District, which is nearly 60 percent black. Hader, an epidemiologist and public health physician who has worked on the disease in this country and internationally, said previous projections remain valid: One in 20 city residents is thought to have HIV and 1 in 50 residents to have AIDS, the advanced manifestation of the virus.

Almost 12,500 people in the District were known to have HIV or AIDS in 2006, according to the report. Figures suggest that the number of new HIV cases began declining in 2003, but the administration said the drop more likely reflects underreporting or delayed reporting. A quarter-century into the epidemic, the city's cumulative number of AIDS cases exceeds 17,400.

"HIV/AIDS in the District has become a modern epidemic with complexities and challenges that continue to threaten the lives and well-being of far too many residents," the report states.

District health officials have long been faulted for the lack of HIV information and lagging AIDS data. Not until forced by federal funding requirements did the health department start tracking HIV.

Until that began in 2000, critics said, neither the government nor organizations responding to the disease knew whether their dollars and efforts were effectively addressing the problem.

The report notes that its comprehensive picture "offers the District a new tool to help improve the scope, quality and distribution of care and treatment and prevention services."

HIV information is particularly valuable because it represents the most recent infections and can indicate changes in transmission patterns. It is mainly collected through the investigation of cases forwarded by laboratories and health-care providers.

The compilation signifies a major step forward for the HIV/AIDS agency, which has gone through repeated program and leadership upheavals in recent years. "For us, this is a milestone," said Hader, its third administrator since 2004.

A letter from Mayor Adrian M. Fenty (D) accompanies the release: "We must take advantage of this information with the sense of urgency that this epidemic deserves."
The District's AIDS rate is the worst of any city in the country, nearly twice the rate in New York and more than four times the incidence in Detroit, and it has been climbing faster than that of many jurisdictions. One explanation might be the high percentage of infected residents labeled "late testers," people who learn they have AIDS within a year of the HIV diagnosis. Although the proportion of adults and adolescents screened for HIV is greater in the city than nationally, the finding raises questions about the strategy of the District's "know your status" campaign.

People who learn of their infection late face serious consequences. By the time symptoms arise or infections occur, their immune systems have suffered considerable damage. They face increased medical costs and death rates.

More than two-thirds of local AIDS cases fell into this category during the past decade, according to the report, compared with 39 percent of cases in the United States. "I think that's dramatic information for our care and treatment providers," Hader said.

No longer is HIV a crisis primarily among younger adults. Starting in 2004, the number of new HIV cases among men and women ages 40 to 49 outpaced every other age group in the city.

But the data made public today expose an alarming dimension of pediatric HIV. Each of the three dozen District children to test positive in the past five years was infected during birth. "This is a line that should be zero," said Hader, who is pushing for routine HIV testing during pregnancy, quick-results oral swabs during labor and "fast tracking" of the antiretroviral drugs that can prevent transmission during delivery.

The administration said it wants to use the report to begin asking and answering, "What next?" Given the scope of HIV and AIDS in the District, health leaders say they can't focus on just one aspect of the disease or one at-risk group.

"We don't have the luxury of only picking one," Hader said. "We have the imperative to do it all."

Black American Children's books

2007-11-23T16:29:00.001-05:00

I have complained to Mae about how hard it is for me to find fiction books that have young, black boys as the main characters. My eldest nephew is at a stage where he likes to read and keeps asking for books, but I want him to read things that also focus on him. I think that by doing so, the vigor he has for learning and reading will continue. I have complained to Mae over and over again about how frustrated I've become with trying to find such books. Well today after searching (to what I feel is the end of) the internet, I have found a pretty good site. It's an online bookstore called Just Us Books (http://www.justusbooks.com/modules/content/?id=220) focuses on the history, diversity and culture associated with Black children. I must say that I'm impressed. I am on the site right now and have found about 10 chapter books already that I know he will like. Finally!

What do YOU know for sure?

2007-11-20T23:00:00.000-05:00

30 has just been profound for me. So many answers that I've been looking for have miraculously been found this year. It is sort of like when Adam and Eve ate from the Tree of Life and suddenly realized they were naked. So many things have become crystal clear. I hve always read the "What I Know For Sure" section of O Magazine and used to try to think about what I absolutely knew for sure, but couldn't think of anything definite. So I asked Mae about 2-3 years ago, "What do you know for sure?" She said "I don't know. I think you gotta be about 40 to know something for sure. " I laughed because I thought the statement was hilarious, but that one statement also jumpstarted my fearlessness for growing older. I couldn't wait to get some age on me so too could have a true perception on something. Well, I'm not 40 but guess what? I KNOW SOMETHING FOR SURE!! Wanna hear it, here it go.

I know that your health is 20% exercise and diet and 80% outlook on life.

I know that you cannot worry about another person's finances if it doesn't affect you.

I know that you can't make ANYONE--mother, father, sibling, chidren, girlfriends, or lover--love you the way you want to be loved.

I know that there will be few times in life when I do exactly what I want to do; I'll do what I have to do.

I know that it is sometimes safer to lie.

I know that even as a grown woman, you will have a perfectly good reason why you may have to kick someone's ass (hopefully you won't have to act on it).

I know that the word love should not be allowed to be used in the past tense; Love isn't something that just disappears.

I know that you really should be careful what you ask for.

I know that it is realistic (and probably more adventageous) to retire more than once in your life.

I know that effective parenting is possible in non-traditional families.

I know more than ever that God truly is in control of this entire outfit.

I know that being the eldest child is hard work.

I know that knowledge is power.

I know that ovulation dates are pretty accurate.

I know that Blacks are not as lazy as the world has made us out to be; People forget that CULTURE has a lot to do with work ethic and outlook on life--NOT COLOR OF SKIN.

I know that every person should get a trade; This pertains to doctors, engineers, lawyers, social workers, and teachers as well.

I know that male companionship/interaction (not necessarily romantically involved) is a must for all females.

I know that the best benefit a job can give is health and dental coverage.

I know that family curse(s) are real.

I know that men aren't as forgiving as women.

I know that people appreciate when you are you 100% of the time, no matter how much they may dislike/like the person you are.

I know that "fine" is hard to keep up.
I know that rap music does not have an age limit.

Now tell me, what do you know for sure?

I need some help...

2007-11-18T12:31:00.001-05:00

When I was 25, I decided that at 30 I would go natural. I had been wanting to do it prior to now, but it seems like 30 is a such a defining moment in life. For the past 6 months, I've been going through some hair issues. It's still very healthy, although I don't think it's growing, but between my hair dresser rescheduling my appointments, 3-4 hour weekly standing appointments, the chaotic environment of her salon, and not to mention looking at the money I spend, it's really been waying heaving on my heart and on my mind. Right now I'm I'm about 6 weeks out from my next touch up and I think I just want to let it go at this point. I’m trying to decide if I should just cut it all off in a little Willis after about 5-6 months or grow it out and cut the relaxed ends off gradually. I’m leaning closer to the latter so this is where you ladies come in. I don’t know how to wear it during that time. I’ve been told that I'm very much a "hair" person and really connected to it. By connected I mean very cognizant of how it looks at all times and extremely mindful of it's state and the products being used. I'm the person that instructs the stylist's assistant at the salon--EVERY WEEK--on what to use on my hair, how much to use, etc. Now, I understand that I do have to have patience during this process, but I do want to be comfortable and still look pulled together while going through the process. I’ve seen the growing out process put some women on the strife until all of the hair is the one texture. I don’t want to be on the strife, but I need ideas on how to wear my hair. I like cute cornrows (in moderation), but don’t want to grow bored. I don’t do individual or microbraids at all and not about to start. Once it grows out I know I can wear it pressed (which I will probably do 25% of the time), individual twist, afro puff, cornrows, flat twists, straw sets, and many other cute styles. But for the interim, I need some idea so please give me some suggestions.

(p.s. pic taken last night celebrating my homegirls 30th!!)

"♪damn, I miss my &^$#(...

2007-11-17T09:00:00.000-05:00

"♪♬Pour out a little liquor!♪♫"-- Tupac, "Pour out a little Liquor"

Mae, Just pouring out a little liquor for you in your temporary absence. Good Luck on your finals and I know as soon as they're over, you're back on scene.

How Far Would U Go To Catch Your Man Cheating

2007-11-17T06:25:00.000-05:00

I'm up late and of course I'm surfing the internet. I stumble across this video on youtube called Let Me Smell Your Dick. This is not the first time I've heard of women doing this. One depiction was in my favorite movie Baby Boy and of course, I've seen it numerous times on Maury (yes, I like trash tv!). While, I thought the video was hilarous, I want to say that ladies, if you are doing this you have gone toooooooo DAMN far!

You know when your man is cheating. And smelling his dick ain't going to make him stop. Hello, soap and water cleans the smell of vagina off a dick! I'm just saying if it's getting to the point where you are acting like a puppy, it's time to get your face out of his crotch, stand on your two feet and walk the fuck out the door.

I'm sure we have all experienced a man cheating but not once have I asked a man to smell his penis to prove it: the text messages, walking out the room when the phone rings, and the not coming home is enough to let you know that he's cheating. And if that's not enough clues for you then I don't know what else to tell ya ass because you probably ain't leaving him anyway and if you smellin his dick I'm pretty sure your not leaving and if you're not leaving just be glad he came home with a "clean" dick. Cause seriously, seriously, your playin yourself when you're sniffin penis for these purposes. It just ain't right.

I love yall.......

2007-11-17T00:26:00.000-05:00

I really do. Over the last couple of days, especially after the "birth" of this blog, I've thought about how blessed I am to have you guys as friends...better yet, my sisters. You are all dear to me.

Throughout my life I've never had any one person that's been a constant in my life....someone I could depend on and know that without a doubt, they will be there....but I do have that in you all. So I don't have that one person.....I have five. Five cheerleaders, confidants, coaches, sisters, best friends.....you guys are sooooo VERY important to me and I feel honored. Who knew that after 16+ years, you all would play such an important part in my life.

I just wanted to share that with you guys b/c sometimes we tend to take things for granted and forget to verbalize how we feel.

Tra

Gone to Far???

2007-11-16T17:11:00.000-05:00

Have weddings and babyshowers gone to far lately? I'm hearing about bridesmaids expected to pay 3 and 4 hundred dollars a piece for different events (outside of their dresses, shoes, etc.), babyshowers with djs....

What happened to simply enjoying what you are there to do-celebrate a union of two people and bringing a new life into this world...

Have we gone to far???

I just got back from a fieldtrip...

2007-11-16T14:11:00.000-05:00

with my nephews 1st grade class. While I love being an active "parent" with both of my nephew's classes, I always see or hear something that just messes with me. It was a few things today, but the first was a little boy's hair. I'm mad as hell that one mother is allowing her 6-7 year old son walk around with connected braids. You know the braids that you do in someone's hair when it isn't long enough for cornrows so you divide what should be one cornrow into 3, 4, or even 5 sections and braid each individually and then connect them. It's obvious that the little boy has ungrowable hair so send him to the barber for a cut. Please. The second is this little talking ass girl who we will call Charmaine. Chairmaine was in his Kindergarten class so I've seen her in action before. She talks and talks and instructs and assists and talks all day long. This is probably my 5th or 6th visit to the school this year and have noticed that everytime I visit, her seat is somewhere else in the class. In early September she sat next to my nephew, in late September her seat was moved to the first row of the class, in October her desk was on the other side of the class. Today I see she is sitting next to the teachers desk. She's not what I would consider a straight "bad" ass child, but dammit I have never seen a little girl that damn manish in my life. And when your chid is that manish you should always be required to be a trip parent.

A Great Forward that I had to share with the Special People in my life... :)

2007-11-16T11:23:00.000-05:00

I believe - That just because two people argue, it doesn't mean they don't love each other. And just because they don't argue, it doesn't mean they do.

I believe - That we don't have to change friends if we understand that friends change.

I believe - That no matter how good a friend is, they're going to hurt you every once in a while and you must forgive them for that.

I believe - That true friendship continues to grow, even over the longest distance. Same goes for true love.

I believe - That you can do something in an instant that will give you heartache for life.

I believe - That it's taking me a long time to become the person I want to be.

I believe - That you should always leave loved ones with loving words. It may be the last time you see them.

I believe - That you can keep going long after you think you can't.

I believe - That we are responsible for what we do, no matter how we feel.

I believe - That either you control your attitude or it controls you.

I believe - That heroes are the people who do what has to be done when it needs to be done, regardless of the consequences.

I believe - That money is a lousy way of keeping score.

I believe - That my best friends and I can do anything or nothing and have the best time.

I believe - That sometimes the people you expect to kick you when you're down, will be the ones to help you get back up.

I believe - That sometimes when I'm angry I have the right to be angry, but that doesn't give me the right to be cruel.

I believe - That maturity has more to do with what types of experiences you've had and what you've learned from them and less to do with how many birthdays you've celebrated.

I believe - That it isn't always enough to be forgiven by others. Sometimes you have to learn to forgive yourself.

I believe - That no matter how bad your heart is broken the world doesn't stop for your grief.

I believe - That our background and circumstances may have influenced who we are, but we are responsible for who we become.

I believe - That you shouldn't be so eager to find out a secret. It could change your life Forever.

I believe - Two people can look at the exact same thing and see something totally different.

I believe - That your life can be changed in a matter of hours by people who don't even know you.

I believe - That even when you think you have no more to give, when a friend cries out to you - you will find the strength to help.

I believe - That credentials on the wall do not make you a decent human being.

I believe - That the people you care about most in life are taken from you too soon.

I believe - That you should send this to all of the people that you believe in. I just did.The happiest people don't necessarily have the best of everything; they just make the best of everything they have.

Men and Marriage....from a man's point of view

2007-11-15T11:07:00.000-05:00

Someone just forwarded this email to me and yall know I had to post it :)

Don't Fool Yourself, It's Not That Complicated (from a man's point of view...hmmm!)

Last week we threw a bachelor party for one of our good friends and then on Saturday afternoon we stood beside him in our tuxes while he and his fiancé' said their vows. As I stood up there looking across the crowd, I decided that our next topic on this page would definitely talk about marriage. I also realized that a lot of women may not want to hear the truth about men and marriage because the truth is so simple that they could not accept it without questioning their own relationship.

But I am here to tell you – DON'T FOOL YOURSELF, IT'S NOT THAT COMPLICATED.

The sad thing about it is that it took a woman to bring it to my attention. I had a close friend of mine tell me that she was pursuing a stable man with a girlfriend. When I asked her did she feel wrong about that she said "Man, a girlfriend isn't anything - girlfriends come and go. If the nigga is established and he isn't either married or engaged, then he is not that serious about her and he is fair game"

I thought about this for a minute and came to a cold conclusion: IF A MAN IS STABLE IN LIFE AND HE IS IN A RELATIONSHIP AND NOT MARRIED, THEN IT IS BECAUSE HE IS NOT SURE ABOUT THE WOMAN THAT HE IS WITH.

He is not willing to commit to her and constantly has his eye open for something better or is waiting for her to become something better. Point blank! When he finds a woman that he is satisfied with, he will make her his wife. And ladies, sorry to tell some of you, but it doesn't take 4 or 5 years for that man to figure it out. It doesn't take 2 or 3 years either. The only reason that a man will get married after that long of a time is because he's tired of looking for something better. And trust me, that's definitely what he was doing all of those years. So if you should happen to find yourself in one of those "long term" relationships then maybe you should step back, take a look at yourself and wonder what it is that you're missing that this man is not willing to fully commit. Don't make excuses to yourself and your girlfriends saying things like "Oh he's waiting til he gets a better job" or "he's waiting to finish school" or "he's waiting until he moves from his apartment to a house". DON'T FOOL YOURSELF, IT'S NOT THAT COMPLICATED.

Which one of those things can't be done with a wife or fiancé' by your side? So ladies, when you read this think about your situation and that man that you are living with. Or the one that you spend many nights over his house or him over yours. Think about your baby's father that you are still in a sexual relationship with. Think about your "ex" that you are in a sexual relationship with. Think about your "boyfriend". And definitely think twice before you brag on a relationship that's a couple of years long and you still have no commitment. Like I've said before, I'm a man and I know the situation. I've been there and I know that we can come up with some extremely reasonable excuses, but.....DON' T FOOL YOURSELF, IT'S NOT THAT COMPLICATED.

THOUGHTS?

“I’m never too busy…I’m never too busy for you, babe”—Kenny Lattimore

2007-11-14T20:32:00.001-05:00

(or are you?)

I always wonder why many single, successful men never fully commit to a woman. I have heard about the philosophy over and over again, but never heard it from someone that lived that life. Yesterday I had the pleasure of sitting in a suite (with all the food and liquor you want) at the Redskins game belonging to a friend who owns a multi-million dollar business. He is a 51 year old, single, professional white male without children. He has been in a relationship with a woman for about 10 years, but I didn’t know until this weekend that he wasn’t and never has been married. I asked him why and he simply said he has never had time to marry. I didn’t quite understand because I always believed “People make time for what is important,” and while it seems like this relationship has been important to him, it’s been equally as important that he establish his financial independence as well. Once he said that, it began to make me think of many different aspects of the relationships about how some of the men in my world have wanted a certain level of a relationship but were always extremely careful to not cross that idea-of-marriage threshold. They always seem to try to do just enough in the relationship to keep me satisfied, but they don’t know me. The dinners, occasional outings, maybe a trip, and mindblowing sex are never enough to hold my attention for years or even months on end. However, that’s all they are willing to give. In the end it comes down to me or their success and somehow it seems that a man cannot fathom building a relationship and success at the same time so we usually agree to end (or begin for that matter) the mediocre relationship. I never took it as they didn’t have time for a relationship and building a career, but more they just simply didn’t want me. I have never had a problem with that, but ever since me hearing what my friend stated this weekend it has made me think that maybe I jumped ship too fast on some occasions.

Preacher Man...

2007-11-12T12:30:00.001-05:00

Y'all know how we are, and what we do...My question is: Could any of you see yourself dating/marrying a preacher? In the past I declined dating a man b/c of his preaching profession, and now I'm faced with it again. Though I consider myself spiritual and have a relationship with God and attend church, I'm really hesitant with dating men of the cloth. Am I wrong for passing up a good man that has chosen to live his life this way?

PLASTIC SURGERY??????SHOULD YOU OR NOT???

2007-11-09T18:45:00.001-05:00

Plastic surgery is the new must have. Everyone is having it and as seen in Hollywood everyone has just about had it. It's the quickest way to correct the imperfections you've always wanted to remove, tuck, suck, add, or reduce. As seen on TV, Dr. 90210, and Nip Tuck, it's the best thing to do for the NEW YOU! Is the risk worth acheiving the cosmetic desires you've always wanted, or should you be happy with what you have and work out?

How long would you wait for a man????

2007-11-08T00:14:00.000-05:00

Ok....I'm curious to ask this b/c I know yall will give it to me REAL.

How long would you be willing to "wait" for a man? For example...say the man that you want to be with is in school. He works full time and goes to school full time. He states that right now, a relationship isn't something he can give his full attention to b/c he doesn't want to have to choose between school and his woman. He wants to make himself better...get his sh*t together so that he can bring something to the table. He doesn't want to hold you back for 2-3 years but he wants to be honest.

I know, for me, I don't have years to waste but at the same time, why do I always put stuff on a time table? If someone is saying that in a few short years you could have just about everything you want - husband, children, home, financial stability, etc...would you wait for that?

Ya'll know how I get these brain farts...

2007-11-06T09:08:00.000-05:00

I'm watching Gotti's new reality show and start thinking about all the reality shows that Hip Hop artist have had over the past year or so. Do any of you ever think about how reality shows will change Urban culture? Really, do you think this will be the catalyst that will change some of the negative aspects of Black culture. I'm hoping it changes it for the better, but who knows if it will have an effect at all. I'm hoping that young men will start to see these artists for the humans they are, the men or women they are, and learn something about how to deal with real life rather than that golden life we all see in magazines and hear in the music. I'm hoping that some 24 year old young man will want to pattern himself after the father and husband Rev. Run is. I want more young women to see the relationship between Salt, Pepa, and Spin and try to work through differences with their girlfriends. I want people to look at Keyshia Cole's family and really see the effect that drugs plays on an entire family and hopefully everyone in that family makes a change. Maybe Kimora can bring out the Fabulosity in all women. Who knows?

Do you feel...

2007-11-05T06:08:00.000-05:00

that your vote for Barak Obama is a wasted vote? I do not know why, but this has be racking my brain for a few weeks now since the primaries are right around the corner. I don't know if I'm definitely voting for him yet, but I was thinking would it be best to vote strategically or for who you really want in office. If Hilary makes wins in the primaries, I'm almost positive she will win for 2008 election. However, if I voted for anyone other than her I'm sure that the incumbent party will remain in office. It's just a lot to think about. I've voted since turning 18, but it's funny how my voting is starting to become so much more important to me now.

Would you move to a different state for your man?

2007-11-04T18:38:00.000-05:00

Tracy says: For me, the answer depends on what type of relationship wehave. For example, if I were with a man here and he moved away, a largepart of my decision would weigh on what our relationship was like priorto him relocating. What's our current relationship like. Were we in ahappy and fulfilling relationship? Did we get along? How serious werewe? Did we discuss long term (i.e. marriage), do we have the same goals,etc. I wouldn't dare consider it if our relationship/foundation wasrocky to begin with and still was when he left b/c then I'd really haveto check myself on whether its the "lust" I'm going after or him. Whatdo I love about him if he's not treating me right? And if he already hasa history of showing his ass now, darn skippy he's going to continue tobe that way.

Chaprie says: I would. Hell, living life is a risk so why not. I'm notgoing to let something like distance keep me from a man that I see a future with. But I think one thing that has kept me from not losing my mind in recentyears in relationship is that everyone has the right to change theirmind. So I have to know that if I do move with this man, we may or maynot work out and I'd be okay with that. Just move my ass in with Tamaraand start all over again.

Tamara says: Okay, so would I move for a man? Yes. I have even madeplans to before but things just did not work out. But if you really wantto make it work and you love him and you see a future then go for it.The question is for me, would he be willing to do the same. Because whatif you had the bomb job or got a promotion that required you to move orwas going back to school, would he be willing to make those sameconcessions. If not then I probably would not move. The one thing thatwould have to know before I move though is when is the wedding? Causefor me, I'm not moving if there's not going to be a marriage insight.For some women, the moving in is the commitment and that's enough forthem but I don't want to be someone's girlfriend or life companion. Iwant to be someone's wife. So, if all of this is in order then my ass iscalling UHAUL and I'd be out!