Someone just forwarded this email to me and yall know I had to post it :)
Don't Fool Yourself, It's Not That Complicated (from a man's point of view...hmmm!)
Last week we threw a bachelor party for one of our good friends and then on Saturday afternoon we stood beside him in our tuxes while he and his fiancé' said their vows. As I stood up there looking across the crowd, I decided that our next topic on this page would definitely talk about marriage. I also realized that a lot of women may not want to hear the truth about men and marriage because the truth is so simple that they could not accept it without questioning their own relationship.
But I am here to tell you – DON'T FOOL YOURSELF, IT'S NOT THAT COMPLICATED.
The sad thing about it is that it took a woman to bring it to my attention. I had a close friend of mine tell me that she was pursuing a stable man with a girlfriend. When I asked her did she feel wrong about that she said "Man, a girlfriend isn't anything - girlfriends come and go. If the nigga is established and he isn't either married or engaged, then he is not that serious about her and he is fair game"
I thought about this for a minute and came to a cold conclusion: IF A MAN IS STABLE IN LIFE AND HE IS IN A RELATIONSHIP AND NOT MARRIED, THEN IT IS BECAUSE HE IS NOT SURE ABOUT THE WOMAN THAT HE IS WITH.
He is not willing to commit to her and constantly has his eye open for something better or is waiting for her to become something better. Point blank! When he finds a woman that he is satisfied with, he will make her his wife. And ladies, sorry to tell some of you, but it doesn't take 4 or 5 years for that man to figure it out. It doesn't take 2 or 3 years either. The only reason that a man will get married after that long of a time is because he's tired of looking for something better. And trust me, that's definitely what he was doing all of those years. So if you should happen to find yourself in one of those "long term" relationships then maybe you should step back, take a look at yourself and wonder what it is that you're missing that this man is not willing to fully commit. Don't make excuses to yourself and your girlfriends saying things like "Oh he's waiting til he gets a better job" or "he's waiting to finish school" or "he's waiting until he moves from his apartment to a house". DON'T FOOL YOURSELF, IT'S NOT THAT COMPLICATED.
Which one of those things can't be done with a wife or fiancé' by your side? So ladies, when you read this think about your situation and that man that you are living with. Or the one that you spend many nights over his house or him over yours. Think about your baby's father that you are still in a sexual relationship with. Think about your "ex" that you are in a sexual relationship with. Think about your "boyfriend". And definitely think twice before you brag on a relationship that's a couple of years long and you still have no commitment. Like I've said before, I'm a man and I know the situation. I've been there and I know that we can come up with some extremely reasonable excuses, but.....DON' T FOOL YOURSELF, IT'S NOT THAT COMPLICATED.
THOUGHTS?
Don't Fool Yourself, It's Not That Complicated (from a man's point of view...hmmm!)
Last week we threw a bachelor party for one of our good friends and then on Saturday afternoon we stood beside him in our tuxes while he and his fiancé' said their vows. As I stood up there looking across the crowd, I decided that our next topic on this page would definitely talk about marriage. I also realized that a lot of women may not want to hear the truth about men and marriage because the truth is so simple that they could not accept it without questioning their own relationship.
But I am here to tell you – DON'T FOOL YOURSELF, IT'S NOT THAT COMPLICATED.
The sad thing about it is that it took a woman to bring it to my attention. I had a close friend of mine tell me that she was pursuing a stable man with a girlfriend. When I asked her did she feel wrong about that she said "Man, a girlfriend isn't anything - girlfriends come and go. If the nigga is established and he isn't either married or engaged, then he is not that serious about her and he is fair game"
I thought about this for a minute and came to a cold conclusion: IF A MAN IS STABLE IN LIFE AND HE IS IN A RELATIONSHIP AND NOT MARRIED, THEN IT IS BECAUSE HE IS NOT SURE ABOUT THE WOMAN THAT HE IS WITH.
He is not willing to commit to her and constantly has his eye open for something better or is waiting for her to become something better. Point blank! When he finds a woman that he is satisfied with, he will make her his wife. And ladies, sorry to tell some of you, but it doesn't take 4 or 5 years for that man to figure it out. It doesn't take 2 or 3 years either. The only reason that a man will get married after that long of a time is because he's tired of looking for something better. And trust me, that's definitely what he was doing all of those years. So if you should happen to find yourself in one of those "long term" relationships then maybe you should step back, take a look at yourself and wonder what it is that you're missing that this man is not willing to fully commit. Don't make excuses to yourself and your girlfriends saying things like "Oh he's waiting til he gets a better job" or "he's waiting to finish school" or "he's waiting until he moves from his apartment to a house". DON'T FOOL YOURSELF, IT'S NOT THAT COMPLICATED.
Which one of those things can't be done with a wife or fiancé' by your side? So ladies, when you read this think about your situation and that man that you are living with. Or the one that you spend many nights over his house or him over yours. Think about your baby's father that you are still in a sexual relationship with. Think about your "ex" that you are in a sexual relationship with. Think about your "boyfriend". And definitely think twice before you brag on a relationship that's a couple of years long and you still have no commitment. Like I've said before, I'm a man and I know the situation. I've been there and I know that we can come up with some extremely reasonable excuses, but.....DON' T FOOL YOURSELF, IT'S NOT THAT COMPLICATED.
THOUGHTS?
7 comments:
Go to my comment when you asked how long should a woman wait for a man....I basically said the same thing. I agree with him...
But is it always b/c they are looking for someone else? I think there are always other situations to take into account - are they scared of commitment, they may have trust issues, etc. Shoot, I know a man who just doesn't want to get married b/c he doesn't believe in it. So, in his case, if he never does get married, its not b/c he's still on the prowl.
Don't get me wrong, its always some type of issue so I'm not making any excuses, but its not always just cut and dry - they are looking for someone else OR they just aren't that into you (his woman).
Um, I've read this email or something similar to it awhile ago. I agreed with it then and I agree with it now.
I had someone ask me recently, "your just going to give up all that time you spent with such and such?" And I said time is relative. If I'm not happy and he's not happy or whatever the issue is, I'm not staying because of the past time I spent. I have to look to the future and the time I would lose if I stayed.
I'm not knocking anyone for staying. Hell, I was in a loooong term relationship and marriage did not come from it. We talked marriage but the thing is anyone can talk about it, put it out there for discussion like we're doing now, but if a man really wants to marry you, he's going to be about it. And all the cooking, fuckin and sucking in the world ain't going to make him marry you if his ass don't want too. I don't care what excuse he gives you (i.e., I need to make more cash, give me two more years, I want to finish school) it's bs. I've seen and know too many couples who did it while one was established and the other was on the come up. It's called teamwork!
I know people like to have things in order when making big commitments but there is always going to be a reason why the time isn't right but the truth is he's just not right and your just not right for each other. Let it go!
Well I have to agree with the Author of this e-mail, and I agree with what Tracy said, BUT if it is the fact that they have commitment issues etc, then they really shouldn't be in that relationship until they work their issues out, because you are just stringing that woman along.
I feel that it shouldn't take a man 3+ years to decide if you are the one, because at that point he is just settling. My mother instilled that in me from a young age. Just my two cents :o)
Wassup ya'll? I heard some of ya'll have been asking about me and wondering why I haven't made any comments as of yet! Well, it took me some time to get here.... now that I’m here I got some "shit" to say...so lets get it started! LOL!
I would like to begin by saying...I agree but I disagree with this particular blog. I do believe that the "title" of girlfriend isn't anything….girlfriends come and go!
But I also believe that if a man tells a woman that he sees her as the woman he can marry but he can't marry her @ the present time because he has certain goals that he wants to accomplish before marriage...then how dare his woman or anyone for that matter label that as an excuse?
Before I elaborate on "the excuses about marriage", let me start off with the issue of the "boyfriend-girlfriend" title thing. People who consume themselves with the title of boyfriend or girlfriend are only fooling themselves....especially if you're in your late 20's or 30 plus years of age. We're not in high school anymore ppl...GROW UP! The only ppl who deserves a title are those who are engaged (fiancé) or those who are married (wife), otherwise YOU ARE JUST DATING! Unless two individuals are working on a common goal to pursue an everlasting love and commitment to one another...Why is it necessary to give you the title of Girlfriend or Boyfriend? The answer to that question is simple, ppl put too much emphasis on the insignificant issues rather than what matters most...and what matters most is the bond that the two individuals share. People use titles to define their relationships, rather than letting the relationship define itself! Woman typically fall victim to these issues because ya'll are more concerned with "public perception" rather than being concerned with developing a relationship that will last! So if I’m a grown ass man in my 30's and I introduce you to another woman as my "girlfriend" all I’m doing is letting the other woman know that you're "temporary" because I just defined my relationship as being on the level of two HIGHSCHOOL kids rather than two ADULTS.....and in her mind, its just a matter of time before its HER time to shine!(Grown ppl shouldn't call themselves Boyfriend & Girlfriend) Another man doesn't have to introduce HIS WOMAN to me as his girlfriend; because if they're truly in love...I can see their love and the bond that they share with one another from a distance...he doesn't have to define his relationship to me by calling her his "GIRLFRIEND"! It was already defined before he said one word to me!
I said all of that to say this...if some of ya'll woman were focused on the real issues rather than some of the bullshit, then those that are looking to get married would be married by NOW!
Now, let me touch up on my second issue….A woman should never to encourage a man to do something he isn’t prepared for. If a man and a woman DISCUSSES marriage, and that man tells his woman that he will marry her but not until he accomplishes certain goals that he set for himself….then from that point on a woman should respect the fact that her man made a verbal commitment to her and gave her time frame of when he plan to marry her. Now on the flip side of that scenario if there isn’t any discussion of marriage and a woman decides to asks her man “when does he plan on marrying her”? and the only response she receives is scratching of the temple and a bewildered look on his face…then you’re probably the GIRLFRIEND (Temporary) and he’s just looking for an easy way to let you down! A man will never marry a woman because he feels he’s dated her for two years and he needs to know if he’s wasting his time or not. Does this sound familiar ladies? A man that is about his business and is stable, knows what he wants and how he plans to get there otherwise he wouldn’t be a man about his business. So if a man says to his lady that we’ll get married once I obtain my degree…your job should be to “help” that man accomplish his goal whatever his goal may be. (School, Job, Finances, etc.) But let me tell ya’ll the issue and how ya’ll fuck up. Men know when they’re getting a “helping hand” or when there being “helped along”! Meaning, a man knows when he has a woman that’s by his side and wants to see him further himself in life and he knows when he has woman that’s “helping him along” to accomplish HER goals. (MARRIAGE) So if you are anything like the woman I described then your ass will never get married. A man never ask the woman he plans to marry to wait because he has his eye on someone else…He has his eye on YOU, and he’s watching @ all times!
Ok, Mr. Cooke...very well said...suprised you used the words "everlasting love"...didn't know you had it in you LOL but its good to get a male perspective on some thangs.
The one thing I agree with you about is the part about titles...I've always felt that way...as long as I know what's going on in MY relationship and it works for ME (and the person I'm with) so be it...I hate for a person (i.e my girl) to keep asking me "when are yall gonna be boyfriend/girlfriend"...that sounds so elementary to me. I've never been stuck on that. And you are right again, people will know just by looking at you what the deal is. No explanation needed.
And you're right, never try to "encourage" (i.e. force, beg, etc) a man to do what you want....but I'm also not in the business of convincing a man I am worthy of him and his love....he can figure that out on his own and if he doesn't...so be it. He's not the one for me.
Aww Corey dropped in...I was one of the folks asking bout' you...lol...
Thanks for your insight...especially the "titles" portion. Everyone knows I've had issues w/ that.
Good to hear stuff from a "neutral" male...
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