All of you know that 30 has been absolutely fabulous for me. However, I'm afraid that my joy is starting to come to an end. About 2-3 weeks ago, a girlfriend who is a few years younger stated "You'll be 31 this year...Oh my goodness, you are getting old." Right at that very moment a sudden slight sadness came upon me. Not a sadness, but a fear. I realized that while I've been living everyday like it's my birthday, alone, and it's something that I should just get used to. It looks like I'll probably be doing this for the next 40 years. It is exactly 4 months until my 31st birthday and I don't even have any in my life that looks like a stable relationship. While a man has never been a top priority for me and I've just been happy doing me, right now I love for male companionship. And I mean real companionship--not sex. I go to quite a few events and it would be nice to include someone in those plans. In the past two months, I have bought single tickets to Chris Rock, Jill Scott, and Alvin Ailey and not because I've wanted to, but because I expect a certain type of relationshp with a man and right now I can't find that. Last year this time, I had someone. And while the relationship was not 100% what I wanted, I think that maybe I should have just settled with the 75% I had. I told Tamara that I was going to work on gettin my man back because he wasn't horrible, but he just never wanted to get married again (hence the 25% reduction). He was okay with us buying a home together, having a child, and living as a married couple, but putting it on paper was not going to happen. Am I asking for too much? A ring is not a request, it's a requirement for me, but at this point should I just sacrifice that 25% knowing that all I would ever be to him is a "live-in?"
5 comments:
Well, I think if you want a ring you should have a ring. But then again you can take a page from Halle Berry and many others who believes that paper and that ring don't make a commitment. Shit don't change w/a person just b/c they put a ring on your finger. When you know where you stand in your relationship, some people don't need an affirmance.
I understand the reasoning behind both sides. And I firmly believe if you want marriage then that's what you should have.
I'm just saying if you want the Nig back, for all the right reasons (he makes you happy, you love him, ya'll can work it out) then go for it. What ya'll have w/out a ring maybe be deeper and longer lasting then what people have w/one. Hell, he can still buy you a ring, just cause you ain't married don't mean you can't get jewelry, Tiffany's does not discriminate!
LOL I love that statement "tiffany's does not discriminate"
I agree w/Mae, if you want him back, then take the leap and make it happen. That's what I had to do w/Torrie. And I'm happy I did it, fear and all. Like one of you told me today, I'm not immune from being hurt so I'm going for it. Now, we do both want the same things in terms of marriage and children, but what scared me about him the first "go round" was his lack of ambition. But now, he's in school full time, and I'm happy with that. It wasn't about him making $$, it was just about him wanting something out of life.
In terms of marriage, again, I agree w/Mae...its about what YOU want...to me, marriage is just a continuation of you've been doing, you just have paper, ring and a name change to go with it. If you find that you are ok without those things and this man makes you happy, then you have to go with the flow.
Hey girl sorry I havn't post anything in a long time but you know me, "DO YOU AND WHAT MAKE PRE HAPPY". If you try to wait on the perfect man (which we all know do not exist) we'll be single and traveling the world together as BF's (LOL) however, marriage is not assurance or a confirmation that everything is going to be great. Neither is it going to better the relationship if one or the other is not fully ready to take that step. I say, "At least the promise ring would do, however I don't think it take an eternity to decide if you want to marry that special someone. So if it's marriage you want, then it's marrige you get wheter from the one you love or from that special someone waiting to be found. Someone for everybody. One's lost is another one's treasure!!!!!!! BELEIVE THAT!!
Well, let me see here... this is an individual decision, you have to make and be comfortable with. Everyone has good/valid points. However, let me ask you this: do you think one day you will feel the need for a rock on your finger? Do you think you can come to a place within yourself to accept what he is willing to offer?
My thing is, don't short change yourself. If you want/need a ring to feel more secure or confident in your r-ship/marriage, then I think that is what you should go for... wait for. If you two would live together as a married couple, what is his reservation in not wanting to take that step? I hear that this would be his second marriage, so is it becuz he is scared to divorce again? Do you think he feels threatened by his past and nervous it could/might happen again?
Personally, I want the SHA-BANG! Ring, papers, name change, double insurance... I know it's not all gravy and life never will be, but the bottom line is to look out for you and never short change yourself. Committed relationships include compromise and understanding, so if this is something you are willing to accept... then do you and go for yours!
OK...first, just so ya'll know this is Tamara's friend at law school..HELLO. Second, of all I'm 33 years old and single - part by choice and part not, mostly by choice. Don't worry about your age b/c doing so might make you do something you will regret. Therefore, I ask will you be able to live with yourself if you settle for the 75%? Do you believe that you are worth having the full 100%? (Though for the most part that's impossible). I have encountered situations myself where it was the Method & Mary "don't need a ring to be my wife.." however, it is what I want. The question at the end of the day is regrets....will you have them or not. That requires soul searching..."I love this man that a ring doesn't matter" or "I love this man, a ring doesn't matter, however I want to go through the whole pomp and circumstance for the personal reasons I have"..etc. Once you realize why you are with someone the answer becomes easier to the questions.
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