Thursday, March 27, 2008
Should I apologize?
I hear every now and again from a colleage, someone who barely knows me, or just someone who just sees me in passing. It doesn't matter if get a knew cellphone, I go on a vaction, I get a new payless pair of shoes, or I go to popeyes for lunch, I hear the same ole "excuse" as to why I do it--"You don't have kids so you can do that?" What the &^(k does that mean exactly? I don't ask them for permission and I don't tell them anything. They are normally the ones overhearing my conversations, looking at what I have on my screen at work, or just arbitrarily asking about my life. Yesterday, for example, I was talking to the older gentleman who I've grown close to since meeting him. He and his wife have taken me under their wing like a niece and we talk at work sometimes. Well yesterday, we were talking about my car ventures and our DR trip (I got the flyer posted on my cork board in my office--LOL). I haven't found anything, but I'm close to getting a used "new" car because I still want to be able to live my life. That's when we went into the DR trip. He told me to look into an 08 because I work hard, etc. Not really something I thought about because I think it's a complete waste, but whatever. Well this woman at work who I really do not care for asks me later about our trip and the car. Now she know she heard everything we said, but I repeated it for her. She tells me "How much vacation do you have?" "I said "I don't know because I just take it whether I have the time or not." And really I don't know. I just take it because I think life is too hard to not to enjoy it sometimes. This broad then says "bBut you can do that 'cause you don't have kids." I just wanted to say "B!tch, I still have bills though!" I didn't though. I just said "Okay, but that doesn't mean I don't have to pay my bills." I'm just starting to get annoyed with the crap and not really sure how to take it when people say stuff like that. What do I say? Do I apologize 'cause I can do things for myself sometimes?
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7 comments:
No, you don't have to apologize for the life you live. But I do understand when people make that comment to single people with no children.
When you do things, and make decisions, your action only affects one person. Whereas someone with kids, that takes care of their kids (had to make this clarification), has to think about their children when making a decision. And it goes above and beyond financial stuff. Even time wise for example...I can't stay late after work or go on a trip that has me out of the country for a week here and there several times a year, or move from state to state chasing a job, or continuously go to school and work part-time like many single people with no children can.
Is this something for you to apologize for, NO. Is it true your life gives you alot more flexibility, time, and money because of your status, YES.
You don't owe anyone anything...especially an apology just b/c you can afford to do things they cannot...whether they have children or not..tell them to get a second job then LOL
Definitly don't apologize for it but what I get tired of is how people say it. Its like why even say it all and its always said w/a note of sarcasm and envy. The thing is I made one choice, you made another but everytime I decide to do something should you have a follow up comment about me not having kids? I mean really, what if I can't have kids? What if thats a sensitive thing for me? Nonetheless, I just don't need the commentary. Just say oh, that's nice you can do that for yourself but don't negate it. Or hell, I could be the type of person whose going to take vacation regardless if I had kids, maybe I got a man at home holding it down, or family, or friends or I'm taking my child on a Disney vacation. Sometimes people just need to learn to shut the fuck up.
I have to second EVERYTHING Mae said! You don't apologize, at all.. and if it's the same person always making that comment, i would be irritated too. I'd have to say something smart like "I don't have kids for a reason" or make them feel bad and say your not sure you can even have kids. I dont know, I just hate when people say that to me, like we want kids ONE day we just haven't done that yet. And we shouldn't be made to feel guilty about doing what we want and what we can do because of it. And it aint nobody's business anyway, what do.
Should you apologize for being able to do the things you enjoy? Emphatically, No. Life is all about choices and no one should have to apologize for the way they choose to live their life. No. You don't have kids, but who is she to assume that's by choice? Maybe you've been trying for years without success. Did she feel bad about her comment? There is no doubt that children enrich lives and I plan to have them myself one day God willing. But you shouldn't be made to feel less than or selfish or whatever because you don't have them. I just believe that if people would learn to focus more on what they do have than what they don't, they wouldn't try so hard to steal others' joy.
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