About five years ago, we completed this exercise. Since most of us have yet to get married (except for Andi) or seriously proposed within the past five years (and I mean by someone that we would actually consider marrying w/a for real ring and some for real planning w/some for real emotions) it looks to me like it’s time to try this again.
I know we desire to have a husband, life partner, companion, children etc. but we have yet to have these things manifest but we continually have men who are willing to screw us (mentally and physically). So, let’s do some homework. Take the time and really think about your answers the questions below. Maybe we will get some clarity in our lives LOL
I’d also love to read some of the answers to these questions!
1. What kind of partners have you attracted in the past that you don't want in your future?
2. What behavior of your own has contributed to the failure of your past relationships?
3. What kind of love do you deserve and why have you been unable to manifest it?
4. What kind of partner/relationship do you want in your future?
5. What new venues or activities will help widen your choice of perspective partners?
6. Now custom build the right partner and be specific! Include their emotional capabilities, career interests, character type, physical characteristics and future goals.
1. What kind of partners have you attracted in the past that you don't want in your future?
2. What behavior of your own has contributed to the failure of your past relationships?
3. What kind of love do you deserve and why have you been unable to manifest it?
4. What kind of partner/relationship do you want in your future?
5. What new venues or activities will help widen your choice of perspective partners?
6. Now custom build the right partner and be specific! Include their emotional capabilities, career interests, character type, physical characteristics and future goals.
5 comments:
In the past I have attracted emotionally unavailable men: scared of emotion, have a girlfriend, too hot in the streets, immature. If they have some type of resistance to expressing emotion then their usually first in line to be my boo.
I can honestly say that the reason I attract these type of men are two fold:
1. I am partly or have been emotionally unavailable, i.e. had a boyfriend, don't want to express my emotions etc.
2. I like a challenge. Game over.
I won't go through all of the questions b/c it is personal and I have been asking myself the hard questions.
But I'll answer the last one.
My custom built man will be: smart (not just book smart but street smart), funny, have a dirty mind, make love like a porn star, able to express himself, be called on his shit--its okay if he can't take it at first as long as he's willing to listen later, he should be able to tell me about his day, call me on my shit, he should be able to treat me like a lady. As far as physical attributes I just have to be attracted. I like 'em brown, puerto rican or haitian. And most importantly he has to be a complete person! I don't want to complete anybody. I can compliment you but I can't complete you. I can be your cheerleader and your support system but I can't complete you. And we have to be able to be friends.
Until recently I didn't think a man I was romantically interested in could really be my friend but I learned that isn't true. Its so much better if your friends too.
This is an excellent topic Tray!
TCS your honesty is refreshingly real!
To add to your homework assignment;
Create a vision board, with what your ideal husband looks like, put it all up there, but don't limit it to what your ideal husband is, include other things you want manifested in your life.
"Write the vision and make it plain"
I love it! I must say your custom built man would work for me too LOL
I also have dealt with the "emotionally" unavailable men but it usually was b/c I didn't want to get "caught up" myself....as I got older, that backfired. Big time.
But you are right, friendship with your mate is the bomb. I love that my man and I are goofy as h*ll together. I can tell him anything and he keeps hit 1000% with me, whether I like it or not.
Ok, now I gotta go do my own homework so I can post my answers
I agree with what you ladies shared. I've been attracted to the “detached/elusive man”. And I’ve also allowed myself to build up walls. My biggest hurdle has been letting my guard down. I’m sure I’ve missed out on some good relationships because of it.
I've had a list for quite some years. It's similar to things mentioned in your responses + a man of good character, humble spirit yet confident, driven, God-fearing and really gets ME. Even with most or all of these traits, the lovejones/chemistry factor has to be in play. I need to have that unspoken connection. Otherwise I’d feel like I was settling.
I've learned that in order to receive the love I want I need to be more open/vulnerable where it matters + more compromising at times. I think it’s good to reassess your list every now and then…see if things once important are still valid while noticing the things that are non-negotiable. As for where to meet potentials…I think that’s hit or miss. I’ve met some nice guys at the bookstore but also in commute to work. You never know.
Ra, I totally agree about being reassessing your list and figuring out what is and isn't important any longer.
I've also learned that while I can't keep putting up emotional walls, I can't continue to be so open either. Its finding the balance. I recognize I can be an extremist. I'm either all the way on one side or all the way on the other. Rarely an in between.
I need to find balance with my emotions.
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