Saturday, August 18, 2012
What's Really Goin' On?
Why is it that men just can't seem to figure out what they want? I have landed in a situation with a younger man and I'm not quite sure where to go from here. More than a year ago this guy and I started hanging out as friends and it quickly turned into spending most of our time together. The relationship started to feel more than plutonic, so we had a conversation last September and decided not to put a label on things just yet. So we mosied along just enjoying each others company. During this time there is kissing, cuddling, pet names, gifts and even phone sex (not a friend activity in my book). I'm still like ok.... I'm enjoying him, no need to press. I will let him speak up if something has changed for him. Besides, I'm not quite sure if I want a relationship with HIM at this point. So I do some soul searching and decide to talk to him again last month. It didn't go very well. I was trying to explain that I am at a point where I want to be in a relationship again and that if he doesn't want that I can't continue to invest in this relationship as I have been. We both left the conversation annoyed and ended up not talking for a week. Now things seem to be slipping right back into what they were before. We don't spend quite as much time together, but we behave the same. My dilemma is whether to let things continue or just cut it off. Although we have not had sex, I feel like we do everything else that a couple does. So I can't help but fall into that mode of thinking sometimes and have to catch myself. Isn't a year long enough for anyone to know which path they want to take with someone? He is eight years younger than me, should I cut him some slack for not having it all figured out? I really need some insight and perspective here....
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2 comments:
How did I miss this, Miss Z? Um yea, its probably time to cut this loose. 8 years is a significant gap. He is simply not ready. He likes what you all have without having to make the commitment. One year and no sex--I have to give you hand claps for that--but if you are ready for something more and he is still dragging his feet then its time to kick push. I know, I know, easier said then done. Yet, you don't want to waste your time with someone who isn't traveling in the same direction.
I agree, 8 years is a big gap when a woman is the older party, though not impossible (but close to it). You know men are usually far behind us when it comes to maturity anyways. Sounds like he's just not ready. Has the no sex thing been prompted by him or you? I heard a guy recently say that if at month 4 there is no sex, the guy is one of 3 things (and you don't want any of them)...he's either 1-Gay, 2-Not that into you, or 3-Smashing someone else. Wonder if his theory is true in this case. I also know a man who dated an older woman at 30. She was 35. He said she was cool to date, but wouldn't go further b/c she was established, & had experienced things he hadn't. He wanted those things to happen as a first with a potential life partner. He felt some kind of way b/c her portfolio was better than his & she always tried to pay for any & everything with her higher salary. She also very early on gave him warnings to her age & that they needed to hurry if he wanted any children from her. This was all too much for him & stuck her in a "just cool" zone that she didn't even know she was in.
I don't really have any advice to give, but do think he shows signs that he's not ready, and if you aren't ok with that, you need to walk away.
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