(or are you?)
I always wonder why many single, successful men never fully commit to a woman. I have heard about the philosophy over and over again, but never heard it from someone that lived that life. Yesterday I had the pleasure of sitting in a suite (with all the food and liquor you want) at the Redskins game belonging to a friend who owns a multi-million dollar business. He is a 51 year old, single, professional white male without children. He has been in a relationship with a woman for about 10 years, but I didn’t know until this weekend that he wasn’t and never has been married. I asked him why and he simply said he has never had time to marry. I didn’t quite understand because I always believed “People make time for what is important,” and while it seems like this relationship has been important to him, it’s been equally as important that he establish his financial independence as well. Once he said that, it began to make me think of many different aspects of the relationships about how some of the men in my world have wanted a certain level of a relationship but were always extremely careful to not cross that idea-of-marriage threshold. They always seem to try to do just enough in the relationship to keep me satisfied, but they don’t know me. The dinners, occasional outings, maybe a trip, and mindblowing sex are never enough to hold my attention for years or even months on end. However, that’s all they are willing to give. In the end it comes down to me or their success and somehow it seems that a man cannot fathom building a relationship and success at the same time so we usually agree to end (or begin for that matter) the mediocre relationship. I never took it as they didn’t have time for a relationship and building a career, but more they just simply didn’t want me. I have never had a problem with that, but ever since me hearing what my friend stated this weekend it has made me think that maybe I jumped ship too fast on some occasions.
4 comments:
Well, you already know I'm going through my own "thang" in regards to this very subject. I never could understand why men have such a hard time with commitment. They act like its a dam disease they can't get rid of. And what's even more amazing, they still want you all for them. Yeah they say its cool to date, but can't handle it. Again, I don't understand but what's more important, I know I never will understand and maybe its just not meant for me to understand. I should stop racking my brain and just focus on what works for ME. What falls in place with my happiness and if its not him, then maybe we got'a keep it pushin....but Lord knows "pushin" can be very very very hard.
I'm tired of this sh*t!
You know I keep it pimpin'. Ya'll know I have very low tolerance for bullshit, but I don't want to think my tolerance is just so low that I won't even let a man get his finaces straight to better the both of us.
Dating is, unfortuanately, difficult and it's only difficult because both people are not upfront with what they want from the jump. I can handle someone saying "I like you, but right now I can't balance my business and you. My business is now or never so let me get this straight and yuo know I'm going to give you all I have--mentally, physically, and emotionally." The problem is, men don't say things like that. They either 1) go through the motions like they want what you or the 2) just let you go without even trying to make them both work. You're right...you won't ever get it because we are just "made" differently.
I also think that a big problem for us "younger folks" is that we give up too easy. We are never "in it" for the long haul. For example, when I was watching "Why Did I Get Married" I constantly found myself saying/thinking "I would leave his ass, I wish a n*gga would, etc" but at the end, I respected all of them so much for pushing past their issues and trying to make it work. Any relationship is WORK and unfortunately, we find ourselves not wanting to put in that work. Why? I don't know.
Back in the day, our grandparents made it threw anything - gambling, babies, mistresses, etc b/c they believed in "family". Not saying all circumstances require people to work through issues but we need to be more tolerant of mistakes. Shit, half the time we don't even take into account our part in the disillusion of our "relationship".
I know that we are "strong black women" and most of the time, alot of women say they don't need a man so we think that when we stay with a man despite his flaws we are being "weak".
I tell ya......
Oh...sorry, I went off on a tangent, huh?
Dammit I need a man!!! LOL My ass is crazy and unbalanced and I need someone to tame me. Just kidding, but I want a man and I think my want should always surpass my need for anyone. I have been with men for their flaws and will do it again. I just think it has to be a 2-way street. You cannot make anyone give you the level of committment that you really want.
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