Sunday, February 17, 2008
To upgrade or not upgrade...that is the question (for mother's that is)
I've never really had a problem with cutting someone loose. I may allow the relationship to linger for sometime only because I'm not always obedient (I pray on all relationships), but there's never a concrete reason for that person to stay around and I eventually move on. But for a single mother is it really that easy? I was talking with a girlfriend yesterday and she and her baby daddy/boyfriend did not do anything for Valentine's day as a couple. It wasn't because she didn't want to, but because he is extremely selfish and always puts himself first. Yesterday she stated that "I want a good boyfriend" and I told her "You can, but you just choose not to." And she said "I know." We went on to talk about why she stays and it pretty much has to do with their child. Not that he's in the running for Father of the Year, but she wants her child to be raised in the home with both parents. This lingered really heavy in my heart and mind yesterday because I can't believe that she's sacrificing her own happiness based on how she THINKS her son is going ot react. I'm extremely selfish and will not sacrifice my happiness for ANYONE--not even a child.. If I'm not okay, I won't be okay to take care of a child so I just don't see myself staying. But then again, I'm not a parent so maybe all of you can help me with this one. Do you upgrade or just pray this man becomes a better father and boyfriend?
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4 comments:
Well, I don't think its selfish to put yourself first because you are thinking of the child. As you said in so many words, if your well being isn't good then you taking care of your child isn't going to be good.
And I can say, that I'm not staying in a relationship with someone child or no child, if that's not where I want to be and if he isn't making me happy.
People don't change unless they want to and all the praying to change him isn't going to change him. He has to want to change.
But if homegirl, is content living a life of discontent then its hard to want better for her then she wants for herself.
Well, yall know I don't believe in staying w/a man based on my child...that's clearly evident based on the fact that I'm not w/my son's father now. But, that does not mean my child will not have a decent childhood with two parents that love him and always have his best interest at heart. We still raise him as a team and will continue to do so until he is 18 but I do not believe in staying w/a man for someone else's benefit...even if its my child's. How am I going to provide my child w/a healthy home/childhood if I'm in an unhealthy realtionship?
Please ignore my spelling errors on the prior post LOL
As a new blogger to your site I read the comments on favorable topics and I instantly fell in love with the dialogue. Of all topics, To upgrade or not upgrade...that is the question (for mother's that is) was the most interesting as I felt it was related to how I feel at least 48 hours out of the week. Mmmm…I thought I was ready to tackle this, but I need to get my thoughts together so you understand that art of my feelings and thoughts around this topic. More to come….
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